Ann: It would just mean so much to us. I mean, you're a living legend. They still air that game every Friday night on cable access.
Pete: Yeah, well, being a living legend is sort of a double-edged sword. Everybody in this town still calls me "Pistol."
Ann: Tell me more about that, Peter.
Pete: I mean, yes, that dunk, it made me famous, but sometimes... Sometimes life dunks you.

Leslie Knope: Okay, no word from Ann. April, I need a status report. How's it looking out there?
April: Perfect, but just one thing. It's not a basketball court any more. It's an ice skating rink.
Leslie Knope: Wait, what? Why? What happened?
April: The stupid guy I called to book this place didn't tell me they took off the basketball floor for a hockey game. Or maybe he did tell me, but he was so stupid and boring that I wasn't listening, and either way, it was his fault, because he was stupid and I hated him.

Ann: Okay, I got Pistol Pete.
Leslie Knope: Good, where is he?
Ann: Right now, he's curled up in the back seat of my car, talking about his father, who is a piece of work. I actually think he did the best he could for a single father, but I may be too close to the situation. Anyway, the important news is that he's here.
Leslie Knope: Good. Is he going to dunk for me?
Ann: I'm not sure, I couldn't hear through all the crying.
Leslie Knope: He's crying?
Ann: No, I was crying. It's been a stressful day, and he's had a really rough life.

Leslie Knope: Oh, my God. We should cancel it, right? Maybe we should cancel it?
Ann: Yeah.
Leslie Knope: Jerry, you were in charge of getting a crowd. Please tell me that you pulled a Jerry, and no one's here.
Jerry: Okay, well, first of all, I don't like it when you guys use that term. But for the record, I came through. There are almost a hundred people out there!
Leslie Knope: Oh, damn it, Jerry, you just had to do your job, didn't you?
April: Yeah, can't you do anything wrong, Jerry?

Leslie Knope: Okay, guys, everybody listen up. I just wanted to say thank you. You've all volunteered your time and, no matter what, I am eternally grateful for it. Now, I'm going to go out there, and I'm going to announce the relaunch, and I'm going to muddle through this thing as best I can. You should all leave, and when this thing is over, I'll meet you at the nearest bar.
Tom: That would be Hurley's.
Andy: Oh, it's karaoke tonight!
Tom: Yes!
Ann: No, no, no, guys. No. We're not leaving, okay? We're the reason Leslie's in this mess. It's our mess. We're going to stay here and we're going to go out there as a team.
Tom: Or, we go as a team to Hurley's.
Ron Swanson: No, Ann's right. We're a team. We're all going out together.
Leslie Knope: Let's give this crowd a show.
All: Go, team!

[As Leslie and her co-workers walk out to Gloria Estefan's "Get On Your Feet", they come to the end of the red carpet well short of the stage. The music stops.]
Leslie Knope: Tom?
Tom: Couldn't afford enough premium carpet to get us to the stage. I mean, it was a short walk, but it was pretty luxurious, right?
Leslie Knope: Okay.
[As Leslie and her colleagues shuffle forwards on the ice, the music resumes]
Leslie Knope: Everybody smile and wave.

Leslie Knope: As a loyal Pawneean, I've always been proud of this town, and, I, oh, um, sorry. My cards got out of order here when they fell. Together, we can defeat obese children. I'm sure that was something positive, originally. I'm sorry, okay, this is just a disaster, isn't it? This is the worst political event ever in history. Well, um, I can assure you people in the bleachers that, if you follow my campaign, it will be interesting.
Pete: It sure will be! Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Pistol Pete, and around here, I'm a Pawnee legend! [cheers and applause] I just wanted to say that I fully endorse Leslie Knope. She's got a great team behind her, and a vote for her is a slam dunk. [cheers and applause]
Leslie Knope: Thanks, Pistol Pete! Wow, we're so happy to have you. Oh, hey. There he goes. Come on, Pete! [Pete falls on the ice] Oh! [crowd gasps]
Ann: Okay, stay still. Stay down.
Leslie Knope: Pistol Pete, everybody. Still got it.

Ben: Hey, how was the rally?
Andy: Oh, we nailed it!
Leslie Knope: No, we didn't. Ben, my campaign manager and I have made a decision.
Ann: We've decided to fire the campaign manager, me. And hire you.
Ben: But we've talked about this.
Leslie Knope: I don't care if you're poison to my campaign. This team has a lot of heart and zero know-how. You're the only one that can save us. Please be my campaign manager.
Chris: You know, Leslie, Ben's really been going through something, and he's on a journey, so I don't think he's gonna be--
Ben: I'll do it. I'm in. I've done enough exploring. I'm good.
Chris: Okay, great.
Leslie Knope: Ann, you're fired.
Ann: Oh, thank God.

Ann: We felt really bad about the whole dredging up your past just to be publicly humiliated thing.
Leslie Knope: So, cookies.
Ann: And balloons.
Pete: Thanks, guys. It- That's nice.
Ann: We feel so bad. Is there anything else we can do?
Pete: You could let me take you to dinner.
Leslie Knope: Yes, Ann, yes. You should do that.
Ann: Oh, I can't, though, because I'm married.
Leslie Knope: You're not married. She's not married.
Ann: [long silence] This is uncomfortable.