Leslie Knope: Wow, Jamm and Tammy. Jammy. [both laugh]
Councilman Jamm: Jammy.
Leslie Knope: You guys are so cute. When did you-- Why would either one of you, uh, you know, why? Dear God, why?
Councilman Jamm: Hit it off at karaoke. She saw me nail Gangsta's Paradise. I saw her bite the door guy... [chuckles] She then let me buy her a bunch of purses, and the rest is history.
Leslie Knope: Wait a second, this is great news, because Ron is my opponent in this, and you live to torture Ron. Vote for me so that you can screw Ron over.
Tammy Two: Maybe you're not a blonde bimbo after all.
Leslie Knope: Thank you.

Ron Swanson: What are you talking-- [sniffs] She's near.
Tammy Two: Hey, Ron.
Ron Swanson: Tammy. So you two are together now. My condolences to both of you.
Tammy Two: Mm.
Leslie Knope: You guys were supposed to vote for me.
Tammy Two: Leslie, I would never do anything to help you. You've always been against me and Ron. You're a big part of the reason that he and I aren't together and I had to settle for this placeholder.
Councilman Jamm: I love you so much.
Tammy Two: [sighs]
Leslie Knope: So you thought if you voted for Ron, you could actually win him back?
Tammy Two: Yeah, that's right. Did it work, baby? Are you horny with gratitude?
Ron Swanson: [laughs] You two more than deserve each other. Good luck. [whistles]

Tammy Two: Don't listen to Leslie. She's trying to manipulate you. All she cares about is herself, and I can prove it. How's this, Leslie? You leave us alone, and we swing the vote to you? Help you get your park.
Leslie Knope: No. Nice try. Stay strong, Jeremy.
Councilman Jamm: It's over, Tammy.
Tammy Two: Tell you what. It's been long enough. What do you say we consummate our relationship... tonight? [Jamm breathes heavily as Tammy strips naked] Huh? Let's do it.
Ron Swanson: [chuckles] And the last card is played.
Leslie Knope: What are you doing?
Librarian: Shh! This is a library.
Leslie Knope: Do you see what's happening here?

Councilman Jamm: Ron, I need that crotch-blinder.
Ron Swanson: No, you don't. Just end it.
Councilman Jamm: [exhales deeply]
Tammy Two: Look at my boobs.
Councilman Jamm: No.
Tammy Two: Look downstairs.
Councilman Jamm: No.
Tammy Two: There's a prize inside for you.
Councilman Jamm: It's over, Tammy.
Tammy Two: What?
Councilman Jamm: To hell with you, woman. Good-bye.
Tammy Two: How dare you? Are you kidding me? You'll be back! They all come back!
Ron Swanson: Well done, Jeremy. Turns out the crotch-blinder was inside you all along.

Leslie Knope: Oh, my God, is that Tammy 2?
Ron Swanson: Yep. Apparently, she's been camping outside this whole time, waiting for just the right moment to strike. I think her intention was to join us in our marital bed...
Tammy Two: Mm-hmm.
Leslie Knope: Eew!
Ron Swanson: And then, what, wrap a piano wire around my throat?
Tammy Two: Uh-uh-uh!
Ron Swanson: Oh, apparently... not my throat.
Tammy Two: Ha ha ha ha!
Leslie Knope: What? Eew! Eew-eew-eew!