Man: So your department banned me from attending games just because I yell "you suck" at the players.
Ron Swanson: According to the complaint, you yelled it at five-year-old girls.
Man: Who suck! Why is that so hard to understand?

[After Ron smashes his cell phone:]
Tom: How do you know that was a member of the public and not just a friend?
Ron Swanson: Yeah, my friends know that I have a strict no call policy. Now get out there and find me an assistant.

Ron Swanson: If I had a toolbox I could take care of that faulty radiator. Ooh! This place is a paradise!