Joan Callamezzo Quote #38

Quote from Joan Callamezzo in A Parks and Recreation Special

Ben: Uh, Leslie and I just wanna make sure that people are focusing on their mental health as well as their physical health.
Leslie Knope: Especially those who live alone. People who've spent a lot of time on their own without human contact. Do you have someone you can talk to, Joan?
Joan Callamezzo: Yes. A few years ago, I accused Jennifer Lopez of stealing my look, and I got into quite a back and forth with her attorney.
Leslie Knope: No. Friends, Joan.
Joan Callamezzo: Look around. I'm surrounded by friends. Every night, I do a show for them called "Joan on Joan for Joan". I recount legendary Joan Callamezzo moments like how I scored my EGOT.
Ben: You have an EGOT?
Joan Callamezzo: Yes. I've been banned from all four ceremonies. [jazzy music plays] That's it for today. The show is two minutes long now. All right. Bye.


 ‘A Parks and Recreation Special’ Quotes

Quote from Perd Hapley

Perd Hapley: Welcome to "Ya' Heard? With Perd". I'm Perd Hapley, the Perd I mentioned a second ago when I was telling you the name of my show. Now, here today are two people who are also my guests. Leslie Knope from the Department of the Interior and Congressman Ben Wyatt.
Leslie Knope: Hi, Perd.
Ben: Hey, Perd. How are you?
Perd Hapley: I guess my first question is more of a query. What did you want to talk about?

Quote from Perd Hapley

Perd Hapley: You heard it here first, ladies and gentlemen. And the "it" that you heard was the things that these people just said. Now, a word from our sponsors.

 Joan Callamezzo Quotes

Quote from Emergency Response

Ron Swanson: Hello. I'm here for the interview about tonight's gala.
Joan Callamezzo: Yeah, listen, I'm a little under the weather. I went on a booze cruise last week. It just finished up an hour ago. On a completely unrelated note, I have horrible allergies.
Ron Swanson: I'm sorry to hear that.
Joan Callamezzo: Yeah.
Ron Swanson: But I do need to promote this event.
Joan Callamezzo: Don't worry about me. I'm a true professional. The show must go on.
Director: In five, four, three, two...
Joan Callamezzo: Hello. I'm Joan Callamezzo. Today's show will not go on.

Quote from Born & Raised

Joan Callamezzo: After the break: Where was Leslie Knope actually born?
Leslie Knope: Pawnee!
Joan Callamezzo: We will pull out the world map and speculate wildly.
Dancers: [sing] Joan gotcha
Leslie Knope: Oh, God. Not the gotcha dancers.
Dancers: Betcha thought you'd Get away witcha Butcha got caught, didn't ya? Joan gotcha