Chris Quote #244

Quote from Chris in One Last Ride (Part 2)

[Pawnee, 2025:]
Leslie Knope: Ann, you rainbow-infused space unicorn. Ann, you beautiful, sassy mannequin come to life. Ann, you opalescent tree shark.
Chris: Leslie, you are the master of the metaphor.
Leslie Knope: Oh.
Chris: I recently compared her to a nutrient-rich chia seed.
Leslie Knope: What's that thing on your wrist?
Chris: Oh! [electronic beeps]
Male Voice: You are extremely healthy.
Chris: I do that literally 50 times a day.
Leslie Knope: Aren't you afraid that thing might give you cancer?
Chris: Well, I am now.

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 ‘One Last Ride (Part 2)’ Quotes

Quote from Ron Swanson

[Pawnee National Park, 2022:]
Leslie Knope: Let's go meet your staff. Pawnee National Park rangers, this is Ron Swanson, your new superintendent and boss.
Ron Swanson: Rangers, my name is Ronald Ulysses Swanson. Your job and mine is to walk this land and make sure no one harms it. If you show up on time, speak honestly, and treat everyone with fairness, we will get along just fine. Though hopefully not too fine, as I'm not looking for any new friends. End of speech.
Leslie Knope: Well said.
Ron Swanson: Thank you, Leslie.
Leslie Knope: You're welcome, Ron.
Ron Swanson: Okay. Time to go to work.

Quote from Ron Swanson

[Pawnee, 2022:]
Trevor Nelsson: Despite the recent financial crisis, Very Good Building Company will finish fiscal year 2022 in excellent financial shape, thanks in large part to the stewardship of your chairman, Ron Swanson. Mr. Chairman, would you like to say a few words?
Ron Swanson: I resign as chairman, effective immediately.
Trevor Nelsson: Uh, would you like to explain why?
Ron Swanson: No.
Lon Swanson: Should we discuss your retirement package?
Ron Swanson: Just give me whatever the board thinks is fair.
Lon Swanson: Agreed.
Vaughn Swanson: Best of luck.
Ron Swanson: Don't get emotional, Vaughn. You're embarrassing yourself.
Trevor Nelsson: What just happened?

Quote from Ron Swanson

[Washington, D.C. 2022:]
Leslie Knope: Ron, your family is beautiful.
Ron Swanson: They're a handsome bunch. Diane and I are especially proud because Ivy was just accepted at Stanford University.
Leslie Knope: Wow.
Ben: Yeah, it's gonna cost an arm and a leg. You take my advice?
Ron Swanson: I did. Thank you, again. I sold some of my gold and officially diversified my portfolio.
[flashback:]
Scottish Man: Congratulations. You now own 51% of the Lagavulin Distillery.
Ron Swanson: Pleasure doing business with you.
Scottish Man: And with you.
All: Sláinte.