Ron Swanson Quote #606

Quote from Ron Swanson in Two Funerals

Donna: We're so sorry, Ron. You guys were close?
Ron Swanson: I've seen Salvatore the first Tuesday of the month for the past four decades. Same exact thing every time. I paid him $8. I sat in the same chair. Salvatore put the same cape over me. Then he'd always ask me about the same thing... nothing. It was perfect. Can't delay this forever. Excuse me. [at the casket] The three most important people in a man's life are his barber, his butcher, and his lover. I have lost one of those. Here's a tenner, Sal. As you know, I don't believe in tipping, so I will collect my change from your wife. [to Donna] I had an appointment with Salvatore scheduled for Tuesday. Look how raggedy my hair is. What am I supposed to be, some kind or rock star?

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 ‘Two Funerals’ Quotes

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: So, Typhoon, what do you like to do for fun?
Typhoon: I'm writing an electronic opera about Brittany Murphy, and I do the chandelier design for my friend's drag puppet show.
Ron Swanson: No further questions.
Typhoon: All I really want to do is dance. Except lately all the good warehouse raves are filled with Eurotrash.
Ron Swanson: "Eurotrash," I like that. It is, indeed, a garbage continent.
Typhoon: Yes. Oh, my God. I had the worst time in Berlin last May. Everyone was on their stupid bikes. I was like, "Ew."
Ron Swanson: [laughs] Please, talk more about how you hate Europe and bicycles.

Quote from April

Bobby Newport: Hey, Ben, have you ever been to space? You should check it out. Seriously. I'm sure the Russian guys who built the rocket would be cool with it.
Ben: Really?
Bobby Newport: Just one thing, do you have $600,000? It's just, that's what they need for a deposit.
Ben: Oh. Well, no.
April: I've already been to space. I was the second person to walk on the moon. Buzz Aldrin. Nice to meet you.
Bobby Newport: Nice try. [chuckling] That's the guy from Toy Story.

Quote from Donna

Andy: Gunderson was mayor my entire life. Really makes you consider the "postulence" of time.
Donna: Sure.
Ron Swanson: Death is natural, Andrew. We're born, we survive as long as we're useful, and then we're killed, either by our body's natural decay or by those younger and stronger.
Donna: Speak for yourself. Before I die, I'm freezing my head like Ted Williams. Wait a thousand years, thaw it out, slap it on a robot, keep on balling.