Roscoe: Gryzzl is an outsider here in Pawnee, so a local celebrity is gonna make everyone feel more at ease with us. And that's why we called on you home court chillers to frack your braniums.
Tom: Since we're locals, they want us to think of ideas.
Ron Swanson: I got it from context.
Tom: Okay.
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: I have no interest in consorting with celebrities. The only celebrities I recognize are furniture maker Garry Knox Bennett, designer of the notorious 16 Penny Nail Cabinet, and Magnus, the five-by-five bull elk I saw near my cabin two years ago. Took a shot at the bastard and he stuck his antlers through the door of my meat shed. One day, Magnus, I will wear you as a jacket.

Bill: Hi, Leslie. Bill Haggerty from the Pawnee Historical Society.
Leslie Knope: Oh, yes, Bill. I remember you.
Bill: I heard you were looking for information on the Newport land, and I have some very exciting news for you. It concerns William Henry Harrison.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: We claim William Henry Harrison as a hero because he was the first governor of the Indiana territories, and then President of the United States. We're also a little ashamed of him because he didn't wear a coat at his inauguration, caught a bad cold and died 32 days later. He's an embarrassing footnote. But he's our embarrassing footnote.

Ben: Could you please focus? It'll take two minutes. And all signatures need to be notarized, and I really don't want to have to schedule two different notary appointments.
Jerry: Uh, not to eavesdrop, but I have a crazy story. I recently had a bit of a health scare, just a couple weeks in the hospital.
Andy: Oh, God. This story's terrible so far.
Jerry: Anyway, I became really motivated once I got out to finally live life to the fullest. So...I fulfilled one of my lifelong dreams. And I became a notary public. So if I go with you, Ron and Leslie can sign the document separately.