Mitch Savner: Seems like things are a little chaotic.
Tom: No, no, everything is perfect. This is April. She's gonna be taking care of you tonight.
April: Hello, welcome to Tommy's Bistro. Today we have spaghetti, linguine, fettuccini, ravioli, rigatoni, bucatini, lasagna.
Mitch Savner: Could you repeat that?
April: Spaghetti, linguine, fettuccini, ravioli, rigatoni, Ferrari, Lamborghini, bucatini, lasagna.
Mitch Savner: Can I see a menu?
April: We had to throw our menus away because they are covered with pictures of Larry's dog rectum.
Jerry: Great news. Lord Sheldon's gonna make it. Yeah, just have to apply a salve to his anus every hour for the rest of his life, but... Oh, enjoy your meal.

Andy: Last chance, Ron. The slots are finalized, but I can squeeze in ten minutes if a certain mister... [whispering] Duke Silver wanted to come out. Come on, Ron, it's gonna be so fun.
Ron Swanson: Thank you, Andrew, but fun or not, playing music is something I like to keep private, along with my family, my conversations, and my whereabouts at all times.

Leslie Knope: Well, that is a gorgeous view.
Ben: Yes, it is. But don't look at that. Look at this. You've been thinking about this job in the abstract. Focus on what it actually means. We're standing in a national park that stretches 50 miles. That's the Presidio over there. It's a national park. So is Alcatraz, and so are the redwoods we just walked through, by the way. You take this job, places like this will be your office.
Leslie Knope: Well, that is a compelling point.
Ben: When we got back from London, you said... that it's a very big world and you've seen very little of it. This is your chance, honey. This whole region... Mount Rushmore, the Badlands, the Ozarks, Abe Lincoln's childhood home... you would be in charge of all of it. Your job would be to preserve the most beautiful places on earth so millions of people could enjoy them. And those places, the greatest treasures America has to offer, will all have signs with your name... right there.
Leslie Knope: [on the phone] Hi, Grant. I want the job. I have a lot of questions, but I'm a little amped up right now, so I'll probably just hang up. It might be for the best. But, anyway, I love you. No, I don't. I'm sorry. That was weird. Okay, bye. Oh, this is Lester Kanopf. No, you know who it... Okay, bye.
Ben: Smoothly handled, Lester.
Leslie Knope: I panicked. We should go. We have a lot of stuff to do... and the meter's still running on that cab, so chop-chop.