Ben: So what do we got so far? We need big-ticket items.
April: I got the Red Hot Chili Peppers to send us a signed guitar.
Ben: That's great, April. How'd you do that?
April: It's a long story, but the short version is, I'm currently catfishing Anthony Kiedis.

Leslie Knope: Okay, there's still plenty of ways to raise money for the concert, right? Maybe we'll win the lottery. I mean, hey, you're looking at a woman who just hit triple cherries in her uterus.
Ben: We're screwed.
Leslie Knope: No, we're not, we have three weeks until the concert. It'll be fine.
Ben: No, not the concert. The triple cherries. I mean, of course it's the most amazing and wonderful thing to ever happen, but, okay, I am an accountant, and I am looking a cold, hard facts. Raising three kids is going to cost $2 million.
Leslie Knope: Babe, our kids will be geniuses. They'll get scholarships. Half of my tuition was paid for by the Indiana scholarship for pretty blondes who like to read. It's now called the Virginia Woolf prize. Different time.

Ron Swanson: What are you doing?
Donna: I'm getting a picture of you volunteering at a public elementary school in case I ever need to blackmail you.