Ben: You know, Andy and Tom were right when they said the DeMarcos don't matter. Their generation's the past. The way to make this merger take hold is to focus on the future.
Leslie Knope: Of course. The children. The children are our future. Whitney Houston knew it, and so do you, and so do I.

Ron Swanson: Speaking of bad reviews...
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: Computers are mostly pointless, but that Yelp thing gave me a great idea on how to criticize people and places. [writing on typewriter] I am composing strongly-worded letters about things I disapprove of, and I am using the internet to get addresses where I can send them. So far I've written to a vegetable farm, several European ambassadors, a manufacturer of male cologne, and a nonfat frozen yogurt bar. "Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream or be nothing. Zero stars."

Jerry: Thank you so much for letting me help plan your anniversary. It is so wonderful to be part of such a special day.
Ben: Okay, remember, under no circumstances can Leslie know about what's going on. She has to make that face, do you understand?
Jerry: No, I don't fully, but my lips are sealed.
[aside to camera:]
Ben: I asked for Larry's help because he has the most successful marriage of anyone I know, to a gorgeous woman. Which, honestly, is still a mystery to me. Like, was it a hypnosis accident or something, where they put Gayle under and made her fall in love with Larry and never said the magic word to snap her out of it? Like, if I say "nutmeg," will she wake up and start screaming?