Ron Swanson: Chris, I'm not teaching you anything. We're just building a crib.
Chris: No, I know you're not consciously teaching me anything. I'm trying to siphon off some of your calm, centered wisdom through metaphors.
Ron Swanson: Metaphors? I hate metaphors. That's why my favorite book is Moby Dick. No froufrou symbolism. Just a good, simple tale about a man who hates an animal. That's enough for today, I think.

April: I want to figure out your spirit dog, and I'm going to do that by learning everything there is to know about you.
Donna: All right. Game on.
April: Okay, what's your favorite color?
Donna: For cars, it's gold. For shoes, it's red. Unless it's the weekend, then reverse them.
April: Favorite music?
Donna: 1970s funk and 1770s opera and Sugar Ray, post Mark McGrath after he left for Entertainment Tonight.
April: Favorite book?
Donna: Downton Abbey.
April: That's not a--
Donna: Downton. Abbey.

Tom: I don't know about y'all, but Drink-ems seems pretty boring to me, not like H-2-flow.
Leslie Knope: Excuse me. I have several binders with very important data that I need to get through.
Tom: Well, miss, I think we'd all appreciate it if you just swallowed a teaspoon of hush. Think of H-2-flow as an app for your teeth. The more flow you take in, the more sparkle points you get. Get enough sparkle points, and you're on your way to your first aqua badge! Collect enough aqua badges, and we'll welcome you to the H-2-flow Platinum Club.
[aside to camera:]
Tom: I'm great at business, and I'm great at parks stuff. I'm like Picasso meets Michael Jordan. I can paint, but, uh, I can also be a world-class gambler.