Tom Quote #500

Quote from Tom in Gin It Up!

Tom: [British accent] So, why does Doctors Without Borders want to come to Pawnee?
Nadia: Pawnee is like a petri dish of weird diseases. Did you know you have a higher rate of the West Nile virus than the actual Western Nile?
Tom: Sorry, West Nile, looks like Pawnee wins again.
Nadia: What else have you beaten the Western Nile in?
Tom: Cricket. Uh... just fill out these forms, and we will be all set like two biscuits inside a tin.

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 ‘Gin It Up!’ Quotes

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: That's your will? You need that many pages to say, "Give my stuff to my wife"?
Ben: It's a complicated legal document.
Ron Swanson: It doesn't have to be. I've had the same will since I was eight years old.
Ben: "Upon my death, all of my belongings shall transfer to the man or animal who has killed me." What are these weird symbols?
Ron Swanson: The man who kills me will know.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: Death does not scare me. What I am worried about is spoiling my children. I don't want 'em to be the kind of people who never work, live off their trust funds, who buy their wooden furniture. I will leave my children $50 apiece for the cab home from my funeral and a steak dinner, end of discussion.
Ben: Okay. I mean, look, it doesn't matter how much money you leave your kids. What matters is that you teach them the right values. But, if something horrible happens, and you want your kids to be left alone with no safety net, just so they can learn some kind of weird lesson, then, by all means, leave your fortune to the wild boar who gores you to death.
Ron Swanson: I'd never lose to a boar. [dart hits board]

 Tom Haverford Quotes

Quote from Ron and Tammy

Tom: Okay. I think you should play this one cool, man. Be the grown-up. Take the high road.
Mark: Yeah.
Tom: Ann's a classy chick. If you get down in the mud, you're just gonna lose her respect.
Mark: You've just made a surprising amount of sense, Tom. Thank you.
[aside to camera:]
Tom: I've never taken the high road. But I tell other people to. 'Cause then there's more room for me on the low road.

Quote from Prom

Ben: All right, let's go over our set list.
Tom: Set list? No need.
Ben: So, what, you're just gonna put your iPod on shuffle?
Tom: No, but I could. You want to know why?
Ben: [sighs] Because every single song you own is a banger?
[aside to camera:]
Tom: Every song I download has to pass a series of rigorous tests to answer one simple question: Is it a banger? How many beats per minute? How many drops? How dope are the drops? Were any acoustic instruments used? If so, it is not a banger. I once accidentally downloaded a Lumineers song. I had to throw away my whole computer just to be safe.