Tom Quote #461
April: Game's over, councilman. Drop the suit.
Councilman Jamm: And why exactly would I do that?
Tom: We took a look at your affidavit. We cross-referenced it with telephone records and eyewitness accounts, and, uh-oh, we found 11 lies.
Andy: Lying under oath is called perjury, and they should know, they did it yesterday.
Councilman Jamm: Well, I mean, maybe I accidentally said something that wasn't-- Let me see that.
Tom: Ow! My wrist! You twisted my arm like a maniac! Oh, no!
April: You monster.
Tom: Ow! You assaulted me, and I'm injured!
Andy: Oh, my God, Tom, are you okay?
Councilman Jamm: All right, you know what, I see what you're doing. I barely touched you.
April: That's not what I saw.
Tom: My face! Is my face still there? What happened to my knees?
Andy: Someone please tell me if Tom is okay.
Tom: Jamm, I'm gonna sue you.
Councilman Jamm: Okay, fine. Hey, listen, keep your mouths shut about the affidavit, I'll drop the suit, okay?
April: Hurry, Tom, let's get you into surgery!
Parks and Recreation Quotes
‘Partridge’ Quotes
Quote from Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: [aside to camera] Tom and April were excellent witnesses in my defense. Unfortunately, every single word out of their mouths was a lie. There's only one thing I hate more than lying. Skim milk. Which is water that's lying about being milk.
Quote from Tom
Tom: I don't understand. I was great. I was like Mark Z in The Social "N." My testimony was amazing for your case.
Ron Swanson: But it wasn't the truth. And neither was yours. You even called me a... [whispers] vegetarian. What if that testimony leaks? How will people ever respect me?
April: Ugh, whatever. The truth is stupid. I only tell the truth when it makes me sound like I'm lying.
Tom: Yeah, lying is all I know. It's how I was able to scrape by on the streets of Bombay and make it on the Indian version of Who Wants To Be a Millionaire and get reunited with the love of my life, Latika.
Quote from Ron Swanson
Andy: Ron, hey, let me be your lawyer. I'll object to everything anyone says, trial will go on forever, you don't have to pay. Problem solved.
Ron Swanson: That's a kind offer, Andrew, but I won't be hiring an attorney. I'll represent myself, as I do in all legal matters and livestock auctions.