Ron Swanson Quote #395
Quote from Ron Swanson in Partridge
[flashback to four years ago:]
Councilman Jamm: [on the phone] Yeah, we did a trade. I gave his wife new enamels, he gave my wife new yabbos.
Ron Swanson: Who's that gentleman?
Tom: Jeremy Jamm, city councilman. You don't know him?
Ron Swanson: Never met him. He looks like he could use a swift punch in the face though.
[flashback to six months ago:]
Tom: And then before he can say anything, I just run over, shove him into the pool.
Ron Swanson: Bully for you. If it were me, I would have just punched him in the face.
[flashback to four months ago:]
Tom: What's up, Ron?
Ron Swanson: Just daydreaming about punching Jamm in the face.
[present:]
Tom: And there were a few other times too.
Ron Swanson: We get the picture, son.
Paul: Hold on. We need your full, truthful testimony on record. Keep going, Tom.
Parks and Recreation Quotes
‘Partridge’ Quotes
Quote from Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: [aside to camera] Tom and April were excellent witnesses in my defense. Unfortunately, every single word out of their mouths was a lie. There's only one thing I hate more than lying. Skim milk. Which is water that's lying about being milk.
Quote from Tom
Tom: I don't understand. I was great. I was like Mark Z in The Social "N." My testimony was amazing for your case.
Ron Swanson: But it wasn't the truth. And neither was yours. You even called me a... [whispers] vegetarian. What if that testimony leaks? How will people ever respect me?
April: Ugh, whatever. The truth is stupid. I only tell the truth when it makes me sound like I'm lying.
Tom: Yeah, lying is all I know. It's how I was able to scrape by on the streets of Bombay and make it on the Indian version of Who Wants To Be a Millionaire and get reunited with the love of my life, Latika.
Quote from Ron Swanson
Andy: Ron, hey, let me be your lawyer. I'll object to everything anyone says, trial will go on forever, you don't have to pay. Problem solved.
Ron Swanson: That's a kind offer, Andrew, but I won't be hiring an attorney. I'll represent myself, as I do in all legal matters and livestock auctions.