April: [aside to camera] This is Stacy Knoblauch's house. I went to high school with her, and she was super mean to me, and now I know that she dyes her hair. I knew that wench wasn't naturally blonde. Oh, my God! She has to use prescription-strength deodorant. This is the best day of my life.

Paula Horke: Government was a real boys' club back in the '70s. They smoked their cigars, they snapped my bra, wore mirrors on their shoes to look up my skirt.
Leslie Knope: Well, I am happy to report that it is now a pervert-free people's club.
Ann: Well, except for Councilman Dexhart, who's a self-described pervert.
Donna: Yeah, and didn't Milton try to kiss you?
Leslie Knope: Well, yeah, things aren't perfect.

Shauna Malwae-Tweep: I'm gonna have to start writing this up soon. Kinda sucks. I thought maybe we'd be done in time to grab a drink.
Chris: Oh!
Shauna Malwae-Tweep: Have you been to Bistro d'Amour? It's really romantic. Yeah, it was just gonna be you and me, my sister, a few people from work, and my ex-boyfriend.
Chris: [laughs] That's really confusing. I have a request. Could you please make sure that my involvement in this stays off the record? I wouldn't want anyone thinking that you're biased because we're something.
Shauna Malwae-Tweep: You don't have to worry about that. I'm gonna include a disclaimer describing the nature of our relationship.
[aside to camera:]
Chris: I guess I'll have to wait for tomorrow's paper to find out our status. Why did I have to fall for somebody from the old media?