Andy Quote #347
Quote from Andy in Leslie vs. April
Andy: Chris Traeger.
Chris: Yup. Hi, Andy.
Andy: I know you did it.
Chris: Did what?
Andy: [laughs] Don't play stupid and handsome with me. You stole my computer so that I could practice for my police exam. You're as guilty as you are sexy.
Chris: Andy, another computer was reported stolen from the offices on the other side of the courtyard. I don't think this is part of your police training. I think City Hall was robbed.
Andy: I can't tell if you're lying to me. Really?
Chris: I think.
Andy: Like a real crime? That's even better.
Parks and Recreation Quotes
‘Leslie vs. April’ Quotes
Quote from Ron Swanson
Leslie Knope: Here's my question. How did you used to slow me down when I was becoming too me-ish?
Ron Swanson: Sometimes I'd just give you busy work. I once had you put together a brochure about different kinds of Indiana topsoil.
Leslie Knope: That soil brochure was not busy work. I mean, people still refer to Mulch Ado About Nothing.
Ron Swanson: And if you were particularly amped up about a project, I'd take you to JJ's and distract you with waffles.
Leslie Knope: Those were distraction waffles? I thought they were friendship waffles.
Ron Swanson: Breakfast food can serve many purposes.
Leslie Knope: But what if this person, this Ricky, who is real, doesn't like waffles or anything.
Ron Swanson: Everybody has something they're passionate about. Just figure out what it is, express an interest in it, and divert his attention.
Quote from April
April: Well, I'm sorry, but lot 48 is the only one that works. And I'm definitely bringing it up at the next city council meeting.
Leslie Knope: April, please, I beg of you, I will do anything to keep you from doing that.
April: Okay. Saw off your pinky toe.
Leslie Knope: No.
April: Shave your head.
Leslie Knope: No.
April: Have sex with Jerry.
Leslie Knope: No.
April: Well, I tried to be reasonable.
Quote from Leslie Knope
Ben: Mr. Vice President. Ben Wyatt from congressman Murray's office.
Joe Biden: Hey, Ben. Dave told me you were gonna be coming by. And you must be Leslie Knope. Welcome. Welcome.
Leslie Knope: [laughs] You're... My name just came out of your mouth.
Joe Biden: Well, yeah, it did.
Leslie Knope: This isn't happening. This isn't real.
Joe Biden: No, it's happening, and I'm delighted to have you here. On behalf of the president and myself, I wanted to-
Leslie Knope: Oh, Mr. Vice President, I am deeply flattered, but there's no way that I could take over Madam Secretary Clinton's position. I mean-
Joe Biden: I'm confident you could do that job or any other, but the reason-
Leslie Knope: Okay, I will.
Joe Biden: Well, the reason you're here is I'm told you've done such a great job in your town and in the state of Indiana, and I just want to say congratulations for your public service.
Leslie Knope: [caresses Joe Biden's face] And I just want to say thank you.
Joe Biden: Well, you-- you're very welcome. [Leslie holds Joe Biden's arms] You're very welcome. Hey-- y-you're very welcome.
Leslie Knope: You're very handsome.
Ben: I think we're all done.
Joe Biden: Well, you're very nice.
Leslie Knope: Okay. Thank you.
Joe Biden: Thank-- thank you very much.
Leslie Knope: Thank you very much. We'll see you tomorrow.
Joe Biden: Well-- Oh, well, you will?
Ben: Thank you, Mr. Vice President.
Joe Biden: Y-you're welcome.
Leslie Knope: [to the Secret Service agent] You don't let anything happen to him, you understand me? He is precious cargo.