Leslie Knope: Ron, how's the stage coming?
Ron Swanson: Well, since we had to jettison the bulk of the wood, this is the biggest I could make it.
Leslie Knope: Oh, my God. Good lord, what happened to the rest of my face?
Andy: We had to "Jetsons" most of the poster too, but I kind of like it, 'cause windows are the eyes to the house.

Tom: [on the phone] Akash, buddy, of course I came to you first. You're the best carpet man in Pawnee. But here's my question. Do your carpets match your drapes? [laughs]
[aside to camera:]
Tom: How do you make any event classy on a budget? Red carpet. My entire apartment is red carpet. On top of that, leading into my bedroom, a second red carpet. Oh, what's this in my shoe? Red carpet insole. Everywhere I go, I'm walking on red carpet.

Leslie Knope: Ron, you're constructing the stage?
Ron Swanson: Yes, ma'am.
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: Leslie wanted to hire a contractor to build a stage. I don't want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief.