Chris Quote #62
Ron Swanson: I got a second box of donuts, if anybody... What the [bleep] is this?
Chris: This, Mr. Director, is your new desk.
Ron Swanson: Okay...
Chris: This desk is the epitome of the Swedish concept of Jamstalldhet, or "equality." Imagine someone needs your attention. Somebody say my name.
Chris: Swivel! What is it, Jerry?
Jerry: You told me to say your name.
Chris: And you did a great job, superstar. Someone else say something.
April: You look like a freak.
Chris: Swivel! April, that is not a very good attitude. I will keep my eye on you from my circular desk where I can see everything. Tiny swivel. See how it works?
Quote from Andy
Andy: Margaret's pecan squares. They are like crack. I brought you one.
Tom: How are you so happy working here?
Andy: I don't know, man. It's not that bad. A year ago I lived in a pit. Now I got a job, and a kickass wife, and my band is so good, and are you gonna eat that pecan square? When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I read that once on a can of lemonade, but I like to think that it applies to life.
Quote from Ron Swanson
Chris: [to Jerry] You are an intelligent, charismatic, beautiful superhero. I'm making you head of Public Relations, which means you'll be leading the daily briefing sessions.
Ron Swanson: Excellent idea.
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: This is my favorite part about having a new city manager. They always try to shake things up, and their ideas are terrible, and it brings City Hall to a grinding halt. I just grab a few donuts, sit back, and enjoy the show.
Quote from Ron Swanson
Chris: Ron Swanson.
Ron Swanson: Chris. You have come up with a plan so spectacularly horrible that it might ruin the entire department.
Chris: Now, wait a minute.
Ron Swanson: No, I mean that as a compliment. So it pains me to say this... My department has to go back to the way it was.
Chris: Give 'em time. They'll adjust.
Ron Swanson: No, they won't. They're miserable. Tom only performs when there's someone to impress, so marooning him on freak island isn't helping anyone. And you made April assistant to everyone? You know who April hates? Everyone. And Jerry can only function if no one's looking. You shine a light on him, and he shrinks up faster than an Eskimo's scrotum.
Chris: Well, that's very perceptive, Ron. And... very graphic. I understand your point, but there's no way that I get just rolled-over on this.
Ron Swanson: [groans] Okay. You won't ever hear me say this again, so savor this moment. I may have a compromise.