Ron Swanson Quote #24
Quote from Ron Swanson in Practice Date
Ron Swanson: Tom, could you come into my office? Tom-ato sauce.
Tom: Ron-tonamo Bay.
Ron Swanson: Do be seated. And congratulate me.
Tom: For what?
Ron Swanson: Winning the game. I just found out, through some pretty impressive investigating, that your wedding was a sham. It's a green card marriage.
Tom: That's crazy. I was born in South Carolina. These colors don't run, baby.
Ron Swanson: Yes, but Wendy was born in Ottawa, Canada. Her visa was set to expire the day after you got married at the county courthouse in front of three strangers and no family.
Tom: Okay. We met in college. She wanted to work in the States, she couldn't get a permit...
Ron Swanson: I knew it. I knew you couldn't get a wife as hot as her.
Tom: Seriously, Ron. Games aside, you gotta keep this between us. Don't tell anybody, please.
Ron Swanson: Now, come on. Don't worry. I'm not gonna turn you in. Just admit that when it comes to digging up dirt, I bested you in this game. Say it. Say, "I bested you."
Tom: Fine. You bested me. Is that all?
Ron Swanson: No. I'll have your wife tonight.
Tom: What?
Ron Swanson: I'm just kidding. Get out of here.
Parks and Recreation Quotes
‘Practice Date’ Quotes
Quote from Leslie Knope
Ann: Leslie, relax.
Leslie Knope: Yeah. Okay? I just have a few more questions for you, Ann. What if he shows up with another woman? What if one of my sleeves catches on fire and it spreads rapidly? What if instead of Tic Tacs, I accidentally pop a couple of Ambien and I have to keep punching my leg to stay awake?
Ann: Those are all insane hypotheticals. And I promise you they won't happen.
Leslie Knope: They have happened. All of these have happened to me.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: No, there's more. One time, I accidentally drank an entire bottle of vinegar. I thought it was terrible wine. Once I went out with a guy who wore 3D glasses the entire evening. Oh, one time I rode in a sidecar on a guy's motorcycle, and the sidecar detached and went down a flight of stairs. Another time, I went to a really boring movie with a guy, and while I was asleep, he tried to pull out one of my teeth. I literally woke up with his hand in my mouth. We went out a couple times after that, but then he got weird.
Quote from Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: [aside to camera] I've established a scientifically perfect 10-point scale of human beauty. Wendy is a 7.4, which is way too high for Tom, who is a 3.8. Ten is tennis legend Steffi Graf.
Quote from Donna
Tom: Hey, Donna. Let me ask you something. Do you hate black people?
Donna: Excuse me?
Tom: 'Cause, apparently, in 1988, you donated money to the presidential campaign for David Duke.
April: The KKK guy?
Donna: I got a phone call. They said he would lower taxes.