Ron Swanson Quote #316
Quote from Ron Swanson in Ms. Knope Goes to Washington
Chris: Ron, Chris Traeger feelings update. I'm now feeling that your guests are getting a little antsy.
Ron Swanson: Fine. I'll skip a few steps and speed things up.
Chris: There you go.
Jerry: Is there at least something to drink?
Ron Swanson: There's beer in the cooler.
Chris: What about for the children?
Ron Swanson: You can get water from that water fountain and use it to water down the beer.
Ann: Why don't you just give the kids water?
Ron Swanson: I suppose you could do that. Now, would everyone please back off and just let me cook in peace?
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: These people are soft. They're grill virgins. But by the time this day is over, they'll have been taken by the grill and delicately and tenderly shown the ways of flavorful meat love. Mmm. The first time is so beautiful.
Parks and Recreation Quotes
‘Ms. Knope Goes to Washington’ Quotes
Quote from Ron Swanson
Ranger Patrick: Hey, Ron. You're not going to slaughter that pig here, are you?
Ron Swanson: Not to worry. I have a permit.
Ranger Patrick: This just says, "I can do what I want."
Ron Swanson: I am the director of the Parks Department, and this is a park.
Ranger Patrick: It's not a Parks thing. It's against, like, three laws and a dozen health codes.
Ron Swanson: Fine. Barbecue is postponed until I can go pick up some meat from the Food 'n' Stuff. Let's go, Tom. No, pig Tom. [Donna laughs]
Quote from Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: Okay, let's begin the barbecue.
Chris: Oh, hey, little guy. What are you doing? Oh, no.
Ron Swanson: Everyone, meet your meat.
All: No!
Tom: Why are you doing this to us?
Ron Swanson: Well, in my opinion, not enough people have looked their dinner in the eyes and considered the circle of life. This is your dinner. His name is Tom.
Donna: [laughs] Burn.
Tom: Seriously?
Ron Swanson: I understand that it's hilarious, but that is his given, Christian name. Tom is very smart and incredibly loyal. He's basically a dog. A dog we're going to cook, chew, and swallow.
Ann: Dude, there's kids around here.
Ron Swanson: Good point. Which one of you youngsters wants to help me drain the blood from this animal? If you do a good job, I'll give you the bladder. You can blow it up for a fun play ball.
Quote from Tom
Donna: Where is Swanson?
Tom: Man, I'm hungry. My legs are tired. It feels like I just exercised.
Jerry: Just sit on the ground.
Tom: No, Jerry. It's dirty, and I'm wearing my summer linens.
Ann: God, you're such a baby. Look, I brought a picnic blanket from your house.
Tom: That's not a picnic blanket. That's a Merino wool throw for my Eames chair!