Ron Swanson Quote #219

Quote from Ron Swanson in Ron and Tammys

April: Is this true? You only spent $40 on clothes in the past 5 years?
Ron Swanson: It sounds about right.
April: How did you meet Tammy One?
Ron Swanson: Technically, I've known her since I was born. She was a Candy Striper at the hospital. She helped deliver me.
All: Oh, my God.
Ron Swanson: I grew up in a very small town. 600 people. Everybody knew everybody else. We first took up together when I was 15.
Andy: Awesome.
Ron Swanson: It was a little scandalous, but everyone feared her, so they kept their mouths shut.
April: I don't even know her, but she's my hero.
Ron Swanson: No, she's no hero, April. She's a hellacious nightmare. She did, however, teach me everything I know. Sunday school, sex. She was my math teacher in middle school and my babysitter, and she taught driver's ed.


 ‘Ron and Tammys’ Quotes

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: So we need to find proof of every tax deduction I've taken in the last five years.
Leslie Knope: Ron, most of these aren't even receipts. This one says, "I bought supplies. 2007".
Ron Swanson: You won't find any bank statements either. I've heavily invested in gold which I've buried in several different locations around Pawnee. Or have I?

Quote from Chris

Ann: I would like to shoot a new PSA and I think it'd be good to get someone who's healthy and telegenic, and I thought that you would be perfect.
Chris: Ann Perkins. I am flattered. And I will do it. Is there a script yet?
Ann: Uh, no, because you just approved the idea, like, three seconds ago.
Chris: I would like you to write me a script and get it to me in an hour. And we should start thinking about wardrobe. Casual? Formal? Semi-formal? Sporty? Scary? Posh? Baby? Those are the Spice Girls. I just got caught up in my own thoughts. I'm very excited about this. In terms of shirts, I can wear white...

Quote from Ron Swanson

April: What's this? Some kind of lame drug deal?
Ron Swanson: That is a gentleman's agreement. I made that man a dining room table in exchange for 60 feet of copper pipe and a half pig.
Leslie Knope: Well, looks like we have some actual receipts here. Same amount, every month. 140 bucks. What's this?
Ron Swanson: Every 30 days, I buy shotgun shells and cigarettes and send them home to my mom.
Andy: [laughs] That's so sweet. Your mom sounds kick-ass.
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: My first ex-wife's name is Tammy. My second ex-wife's name is Tammy. My mom's name is Tamara. She goes by Tammy.