Ron Swanson Quote #219
Quote from Ron Swanson in Ron and Tammys
April: Is this true? You only spent $40 on clothes in the past 5 years?
Ron Swanson: It sounds about right.
April: How did you meet Tammy One?
Ron Swanson: Technically, I've known her since I was born. She was a Candy Striper at the hospital. She helped deliver me.
All: Oh, my God.
Ron Swanson: I grew up in a very small town. 600 people. Everybody knew everybody else. We first took up together when I was 15.
Andy: Awesome.
Ron Swanson: It was a little scandalous, but everyone feared her, so they kept their mouths shut.
April: I don't even know her, but she's my hero.
Ron Swanson: No, she's no hero, April. She's a hellacious nightmare. She did, however, teach me everything I know. Sunday school, sex. She was my math teacher in middle school and my babysitter, and she taught driver's ed.
Parks and Recreation Quotes
‘Ron and Tammys’ Quotes
Quote from Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: So we need to find proof of every tax deduction I've taken in the last five years.
Leslie Knope: Ron, most of these aren't even receipts. This one says, "I bought supplies. 2007".
Ron Swanson: You won't find any bank statements either. I've heavily invested in gold which I've buried in several different locations around Pawnee. Or have I?
Quote from Chris
Ann: I would like to shoot a new PSA and I think it'd be good to get someone who's healthy and telegenic, and I thought that you would be perfect.
Chris: Ann Perkins. I am flattered. And I will do it. Is there a script yet?
Ann: Uh, no, because you just approved the idea, like, three seconds ago.
Chris: I would like you to write me a script and get it to me in an hour. And we should start thinking about wardrobe. Casual? Formal? Semi-formal? Sporty? Scary? Posh? Baby? Those are the Spice Girls. I just got caught up in my own thoughts. I'm very excited about this. In terms of shirts, I can wear white...
Quote from Ron Swanson
April: What's this? Some kind of lame drug deal?
Ron Swanson: That is a gentleman's agreement. I made that man a dining room table in exchange for 60 feet of copper pipe and a half pig.
Leslie Knope: Well, looks like we have some actual receipts here. Same amount, every month. 140 bucks. What's this?
Ron Swanson: Every 30 days, I buy shotgun shells and cigarettes and send them home to my mom.
Andy: [laughs] That's so sweet. Your mom sounds kick-ass.
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: My first ex-wife's name is Tammy. My second ex-wife's name is Tammy. My mom's name is Tamara. She goes by Tammy.