Ben Quote #63
Quote from Ben in I'm Leslie Knope
Ben: Joe, I've determined that the lewd picture was sent by you because you sent it from your personal email address, [email protected]. Really? Sarah Lawrence?
Joe: Yeah. I wanted a small college experience.
Ben: You also bragged about it to many of your co-workers.
Joe: There's an old sewage department saying. "If you've got a nice drainpipe, there's no reason to hide it."
Ben: I doubt that's a saying. We are terminating you effective immediately.
Joe: Is this because you're jealous?
Chris: No. It's because you broke the law.
Joe: The law of having an amazing package.
Chris: Before we have him forcibly removed, you should know this, that one of our female employees, a nurse, examined the photo you sent her.
Joe: I bet she did.
Chris: And you have the mumps. You might wanna get that checked.
Joe: Sweet. Someone's got mumps on his lumps. Up high. Anyone?
Parks and Recreation Quotes
‘I'm Leslie Knope’ Quotes
Quote from Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: Hello, Tammy.
Tammy One: Ronald.
Ron Swanson: That's enough small talk. What do you want?
Tammy One: You remember what I do for a living, I trust?
Ron Swanson: Yes. You ruin people's lives.
Tammy One: You're being audited, Ronald.
Ron Swanson: I don't care.
Tammy One: Then why is your mustache trembling? I'm here as a friend. Call it nostalgia. Or perhaps guilt for all the times I tried to smother you in your sleep.
Ron Swanson: I don't need your help.
Tammy One: Wrong. You do. But as you're so fond of saying, it's a free country. Good luck. I hope you don't go to jail. [to April] Sit up straight. You're not doing your breasts any favors.
April: Thank you.
Andy: Hi. Your breasts look amazing.
Quote from Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: You know, when I was 12, my brother shot me in the pinky toe with a nail gun. Granted, it was a hilarious prank, and we all had a good laugh.
Leslie Knope: That's awful.
Ron Swanson: But I avoided going to the doctor. I hate paperwork. After a few weeks, the toe just kinda fell off. Leslie Knope: You only have nine toes?
Ron Swanson: I have the toes I have. Let's just leave it at that. The point is the doctor said if I had come in right away, they might've saved the toe. You can't run away from your problems.
Leslie Knope: Especially if you only have nine toes. Sorry. That was uncalled for.
Ron Swanson: I'm Ron Swanson. And you're Leslie [bleep] Knope. You with me?
Quote from Jerry
Jerry: Okay, so now you're sure that everything is okay, you know, down there?
Dr. Harris: You're perfectly healthy.
[aside to camera:]
Dr. Harris: That man has the largest penis I have ever seen. I actually don't even know if he has mumps. Forgot to look. I was distracted by the largest penis I have ever seen.