Ron Swanson: Okay, here's the situation.
Leslie Knope: Your parents went away on a week's vacation. They left the keys to the brand new Porsche. Would they mind? Mm... Well, of course not. [rapping] I'll just take it for a little spin And maybe show it off to a couple of friends I'll just cruise around the neighborhood. Well, maybe I shouldn't Yeah! Of course I should Pay attention, here's the thick of the plot Pulled up to the corner at the end of my block That's when I saw this beautiful girly-girl walking I picked up my car phone to perpetrate like I was talking Sunroof was open, the music was high And that girl's hand was steadily moving up my thigh She had opened up three buttons on her shirt so far I guess that's why I didn't notice that police car I can't believe it! I made a mistake But parents are the same No matter time nor place So to all you kids all across the land No need to argue Parents just don't understand [cheers and applause] Thank you. Thank you. Just a little something I know. So, what's up?
Ron Swanson: Someone is on fire in Ramsett Park. They need you to get down there right away.
Leslie Knope: Oh, my God.

April: Hey. This is my boyfriend, Derek, and this is Derek's boyfriend, Ben.
Ben: Hi.
Leslie Knope: Hey. Oh! Wait, sorry, what's the situation?
April: What do you mean?
Leslie Knope: How does this work?
April: Derek is gay, but he's straight for me, but he's gay for Ben, and Ben's really gay for Derek. And I hate Ben.
Derek: It's not that complicated.
Ben: No.

Jerry: Hey, Leslie, some guy who owns a gay bar sent you a cake.
Leslie Knope: Pawnee has a gay bar?
Ron Swanson: Yeah. The Bulge. It's behind my house.
Leslie Knope: The Bulge is a gay bar? Uh, the nights I've wasted there.