Ben: I think that job's perfect for April. We just have to convince Barney to give her a shot. I mean, first problem, she's not as qualified as the other applicants.
Andy: Simple solution. I break into her college and I change her degree to accounting. Easy. On my way out, look up at the blackboard, what is that? Impossible math equation? I solve it. X equals Y, obviously. Professor comes up to me and says, "I've been working on that for 50 years. Why don't you accept this math trophy?" By the time he turns around, I'm gone.

Ron Swanson: Come on, let me show you around. This is a door. These, of course, are walls. What else? What else? Ah! Meet our Vice President, Don Swanson. Don, this is Andrew and Benjamin.
Don Swanson: Pleasure to meet you.
Ben: Is this your brother? You have a brother.
Ron Swanson: No. Fine. Yes. I suppose the cat's out of the bag. I have a brother. One brother.
Ben: All those years together at the Parks Department and you never told us you had a brother.
Don Swanson: You worked at the Parks Department?
Ron Swanson: Tour's over!

John McCain: Yeah, well, I can't do that right now. [sees Leslie] Oh, boy. I'll call you back.
Leslie Knope: Hello, Senator. Do you have a minute to chat?
John McCain: Oh, I can't right now. I've got a meeting.
Leslie Knope: Well, actually, I checked with your staff and they said that you have a free half hour.
John McCain: Did anyone ever tell you that your tenacity can be intimidating?
Leslie Knope: Yes. Every month of my life since fourth grade. Now, let's talk about national parks.