TV Quotes

Ron Swanson: You really shouldn't have dug that out of the dumpster.
Andy: I had to. Also I had a banana on the way over here. Sorry. I get why you don't want any more to know about Duke Silver, and you don't have to worry. You secret is safe with me. To even it out, I'm gonna tell you all of my secrets.
Ron Swanson: Oh, no, that's not necessary.
Andy: I once forgot to brush my teeth for five weeks. I didn't actually sell my last car. I just forgot where I parked it. I don't know who Al Gore is, and at this point I'm too afraid to ask. When they say 2% milk, I don't know what the other 98% is. When I was a baby, my head was so big scientists did experiments on me. I once threw beer at a swan, and then it attacked my niece Rebecca.

Tom: Regal Meagle. My favorite realtor. You got some hot properties to show me?
Donna: You know it.
Tom: Remember my list of must-haves: Open kitchen, fireplace, exposed brick, and you know I wouldn't kick a skylight out of bed.
[aside to camera:]
Tom: I'm opening Pawnee's first authentic Sinatra style Italian restaurant, "Tom's Bistro." I'm kind of like a skinny, handsome, Indian Mario Batali, who doesn't know how to cook.

Ann: First of all, this is Evelyn.
Leslie Knope: Oh, hello.
Ann: She is my Health Department counterpart from Eagleton.
Evelyn: There really wasn't a ton of work for me there. Eagletonians are very healthy.
Leslie Knope: Oh, well, this might be a very interesting challenge for you, because Pawnee has the very first documented case of mega-diabetes. And the only know occurrence of Lou Gehrig's other disease. We've been written about in textbooks.

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] This land is begging to be a new national park. And it's in my own backyard. This could be my crowning achievement. I could retire. I mean, I wouldn't. I'm gonna work until I'm 100 and then cut back to four days a week. Oh, God, I'm already so bored thinking about that one day off. Maybe I'll go to law school or something.