Leslie Knope: Can I ask you a question? Are we the cutest couple you've ever seen?
Herman Lerpiss: Nope. Okay, you want the long needle or the short needle? Doesn't matter. Can't find a short needle. Long needle it is.
Leslie Knope: I have a big idea. I want a portrait of Eleanor Roosevelt, tastefully done, and then she has a very classy tattoo of Pat Benatar on her arm. And that's very subtle. No, scratch that. Scratch all that. Just write "Ben".

Tom: I don't want to be a failure again, Ron.
Ron Swanson: There's no shame in failure if you gave it an honest effort.
Tom: Easy for you to say. People are dying to give you money for your business, and you didn't even take it.
Ron Swanson: I didn't sell my chairs to that website because I value my name. The only thing that's important at the end of the day is what's on your gravestone... Your name.
Tom: My gravestone's gonna be a 60-inch touchscreen with a hologram of four mes singing End of the Road by Boyz II Men... But point taken.

Ben: Okay, Leslie's on her way in.
Ann: Is she okay? I left her, like, 30 voice mails, and her outgoing message is just her sobbing and burping and crazy laughing.
Ben: Yeah, you know what? She's actually handling it pretty well.
Leslie Knope: What's up, fartwads?
Chris: Are you eating a paunch burger?
Leslie Knope: Well, you know what? If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. I mean, I've been boycotting them ever since Pinewood and her goons started this whole recall business, but who cares now, right? What does it matter? Nothing matters anymore. Mmm. Oh, my God. This is good. This is really good. Why did I ever fight this?
Chris: Have you thought about a concession speech?
Leslie Knope: Oh, concession speech? Yeah, I wrote one. "Eat my shorts, Jabronies. Knope, out."
Ben: I thought it best to revisit the concession speech at a later time.