Ron Swanson Quote #418
Quote from Ron Swanson in Are You Better Off?
Andy: Are you sure everything will be all right if April goes to vet school?
Ron Swanson: There are no sure things in life, son, but you two seem pretty solid to me.
Andy: Change is good, I guess.
Ron Swanson: Not to me. Leslie's going around asking everybody if they're better off than they were a year ago. All I care about is that I'm the same. If I'm the same as I was a year ago, I'm happy.
Andy: Wait, I forgot. Who the hell is pregnant?
Ron Swanson: What?
Andy: I found a pregnancy test at your cabin, and I checked with all the girls over there. It wasn't any of them.
[Diane knocks and enters]
Ron Swanson: Hello, darling. What a surprise.
Diane: Hey. Can we talk? Maybe in private?
Andy: [gasps, looks at camera]
Parks and Recreation Quotes
‘Are You Better Off?’ Quotes
Quote from Donna
Leslie Knope: Donna, help me out. What makes Pawnee so great?
Donna: Cost of living is cheap. In about three years, I will have saved enough to pay off my condo in Seattle.
Ben: You have a condo in Seattle?
Donna: Yes, I like the rain and the fish markets.
Quote from April
Leslie Knope: Let's do an exercise. April, what makes Pawnee the best city in the world?
April: Easy. Most murders per capita. The guillotine was invented here. City Hall is run by the walrus mafia.
Quote from Andy
Andy: Good morning, colleagues, co-workers, friends. Everyone feeling normal... today?
[aside to camera:]
Andy: Here's what happened. I left my sweat shirt at Ron's cabin. When I went back to get it, I found this in the trash: Positive pregnancy test. Side note: I accidentally threw my sweat shirt away. That's why I was digging through the trash. Found that too. Pretty cool. So if my science is correct, one of the five women who were at the cabin - Leslie, Donna, Ann, Mona-Lisa, or April - is pregnant! Can't be April. She would've told me. That leaves four suspects. There's only one man for this job: Burt Macklin, FBI. They said I was retired. They said I was too dangerous for the Pawnee Police Department. Turns out they were right... and wrong. Macklin, you son of a bitch.