April Quote #258

Quote from April in Are You Better Off?

Leslie Knope: Let's do an exercise. April, what makes Pawnee the best city in the world?
April: Easy. Most murders per capita. The guillotine was invented here. City Hall is run by the walrus mafia.

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 ‘Are You Better Off?’ Quotes

Quote from Donna

Leslie Knope: Donna, help me out. What makes Pawnee so great?
Donna: Cost of living is cheap. In about three years, I will have saved enough to pay off my condo in Seattle.
Ben: You have a condo in Seattle?
Donna: Yes, I like the rain and the fish markets.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Good morning, colleagues, co-workers, friends. Everyone feeling normal... today?
[aside to camera:]
Andy: Here's what happened. I left my sweat shirt at Ron's cabin. When I went back to get it, I found this in the trash: Positive pregnancy test. Side note: I accidentally threw my sweat shirt away. That's why I was digging through the trash. Found that too. Pretty cool. So if my science is correct, one of the five women who were at the cabin - Leslie, Donna, Ann, Mona-Lisa, or April - is pregnant! Can't be April. She would've told me. That leaves four suspects. There's only one man for this job: Burt Macklin, FBI. They said I was retired. They said I was too dangerous for the Pawnee Police Department. Turns out they were right... and wrong. Macklin, you son of a bitch.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] Thanks to a lot of hard work and some very dedicated civil servants, this has been a banner year for our city. Obesity and diabetes are down. Test scores are up. Pawnee raccoon attacks have decreased. People can now suddenly feel safe in our parks, grocery stores, and hospitals. I am very proud of what we've accomplished. In fact, this forum is kind of my victory lap.