Ron Swanson: [aside to camera] Recently, I made a chair. When I was finished, I thought it was a good chair. I submitted it to the Indiana Fine Woodworking Association, who felt it merited consideration for an award. [chuckles] It's been a real whirlwind.

Ron Swanson: Where's Diane? I need her.
Leslie Knope: She left.
Ron Swanson: Of course. Tammy ruins everything.
Leslie Knope: No, she left because of me. She's threatened by our relationship.
Ron Swanson: [laughs] That's ridiculous. I don't think of you romantically. You're pro-government, you never stop talking, and you have blonde hair. You're my worst nightmare.

Ann: This is a lovely party thrown by a lovely man and his lovely family. There's no place for meanies.
April: Aw, forget it, I'm coming in. Ow! Get off me.
Ann: Wait. [laughs] You're so weak, really? [April groans] I mean, I'm barely even doing anything. Are you iron-deficient? Let me look at your palm.
April: Ow. It's because of your man strength, Man Perkins.