Tom: Wikipedia, mankind's greatest invention. You can learn about anything. Take Ray J, for example. We all know he's a singer, he's Brandy's brother, and he was in that classic sex tape with Kim Kardashian, but did you also know he's Snoop Dogg's cousin and he was in the '96 Tim Burton movie Mars Attacks? Suddenly, you're on the Mars Attacks page. I love GChat. You can talk to anybody. I hit up Brad.Pitt. It wasn't the actor. It's actually a guy named Brad that's a teacher in Pittsburgh. We don't have a lot in common, but we chat quite a bit. "Emoji" are little cartoons you text instead of words. Instead of saying, "What up, boo?" You can type "What up," and then a cute, little ghost, 'cause that means "boo." There's even a little Indian guy, but he has a turban on, which I think is racist, but the Asian guy also has a racist hat on, and it's like, "Hold up, didn't Japanese people invent this?" Podcasts. There are a million of 'em, and they're all amazing. Jean-Ralphio and I have one called "Nacho Average Podcast," where we rate different kinds of nachos.

Ron Swanson: Yeah, I have a new idea. You need to purge all of this garbage from your system. Talk about all the things you do on those screens, and let the words just float away into the fresh air, and then we will be done.
Tom: Okay, worth a shot. Every day I start by hitting up Facebook, Twitter, tumblr, and Instagram. Sometimes I like to throw in LinkedIn, for the professional shorties.
Ron Swanson: See? That was easy.
Tom: Then I like to go on reddit. Reddit's great, 'cause it has all the important links you need.

Tom: Oh, my God, Jerry, when you check your email, you go to Altavista and type "Please go to yahoo.com?"
Jerry: Well, how else would I do it?
Tom: You don't have your email bookmarked? Do you have any bookmarks?
Jerry: What's bookmarks?
Tom: God, Jerry! You don't deserve the Internet!