Chris: The department is so small because Leslie Knope single-handedly does the work of four people. And she's already scaled back her time. If she wins, she'll be dividing her time between Parks and City Council. I'm going to have to hire a deputy director to pick up the slack.
Ron Swanson: No! Chris, that's unnecessary. The department is doing fine without Leslie.
Chris: Then prove it. Complete one major project.
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: Either we complete a government project which is abhorrent to me, or we bring a new person into the department, which repulses me to my core. Reminds me of when my dad made me choose which of my pet calves to slaughter with my own hands for my sixth birthday. I couldn't choose, so I slaughtered both of them. And they were delicious.

Chris: Question for you. In a town of this size, the Parks department traditionally has ten employees. You have only seven. Why is that?
Ron Swanson: I work hard to make sure my department is as small and ineffective as possible.

Ron Swanson: Hello, Ann Perkins.
Ann: This is the first time you've said my entire name correctly.
Ron Swanson: Nonsense. We are close friends. I have good news for you. I'm making the water fountain hygiene upgrade our number one priority.
Ann: Oh, great.
[aside to camera:]
Ann: For some reason, when people in Pawnee use the water fountain, they put their mouths completely over the spouts. It's like this weird, disgusting, local quirk. Kiss one water-fountain drinker, you're kissing everyone in Pawnee. Including him.