Chris Quote #95
Quote from Chris in The Trial of Leslie Knope
Chris: Leslie Knope! Good morning! It is snowing outside. Isn't that great?
Leslie Knope: You seem like you're in a good mood.
Chris: Actually, I'm quite miserable. I admire and respect you, and dragging you through an ethics trial is filling me with sadness. I have never felt so low.
Leslie Knope: Well, you're radiating pure joy.
Chris: I went to my herbalist and got two B-12 shots. And then I ate an unreasonable amount of St. John's wort, and my herbalist took this weird bee pollen paste rubbed it around my gums. And now my mouth feels like a spaceship.
[aside to camera:]
Chris: This is stressful. And stress leads to depression. And if I don't maintain an extremely high dosages of herbal remedies, I will get very depressed. Oh, God. It's happening right now.
Parks and Recreation Quotes
‘The Trial of Leslie Knope’ Quotes
Quote from Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: April! Listen, I was trying to buy this hand-crafted mahogany wood model of a B-25 Mitchell Panchito aircraft.
April: Aw, for me?
Ron Swanson: Don't sass me. And I went to this website, and this ad popped up that said "Hey, Ron Swanson! Check out this great offer."
April: What's your question?
Ron Swanson: My question is, what the hell?
April: Like, how did they know who you are?
Ron Swanson: Yeah.
April: Okay. Um, there are these things called cookies, where, like you go to a site and buy something, it'll remember you and then create ads for other stuff you might want to buy.
Ron Swanson: So it learns information? About me? That seems like an invasion of privacy.
April: Dude, if you think that's bad, go to Google Earth and type in your address.
[After looking at Google Earth, Ron goes outside and throws his computer in the dumpster]
Quote from Donna
Chris: I have here a receipt from Pawnee Supersuites Motel. Leslie Knope submitted that receipt for reimbursement. Taxpayers' money is not meant to be spent on a romantic getaway.
Leslie Knope: Donna, will you please describe what we were wearing the evening you saw us?
Donna: Um, khakis and button-down shirts, your basic white people clothes.
Leslie Knope: And when you walked into the room, what did it look like? Did it look like anything romantic had happened?
Donna: Oh, hell, no. I have ruined my share of hotel rooms, and trust me, nothing sexual happened in that room. It kind of looked like an office.
Quote from Jerry
Leslie Knope: Can you please state your name for the committee?
Jerry: Garry Gergich.
Leslie Knope: Oh, God, Jerry. You can't even get your own name right.
Jerry: Actually, my real name is Garry.
Leslie Knope: Garry?
Jerry: On my first day here, the old director-- he called me Jerry, and I just didn't think I should correct him.
Leslie Knope: That's ridiculous. Your name is Jerry.
Jerry: No. Legally my name is Garry.
Leslie Knope: Garry Gergich? Jerry Gergich. Garry Gergich. Jerry Gergich. Garry Gergich. Jerry-- God, they're both horrible. But Jerry's better. I'm gonna call you Jerry. Okay, Jerry, do you remember a time... I'm sorry. I can't get over the Garry/Jerry thing.
Chris: Neither can I. Jerry, you can go. We need a five-minute break.