Leslie Knope: Well, maybe we should get out of this hot tub.
Tom: I'm too sad to get out. And I'm all pruney.
Leslie Knope: What happened?
Tom: I don't know. I guess I just didn't moisturize enough this morning, and I've been laying around--
Leslie Knope: With the company.
Tom: We're hemorrhaging cash ever since we opened. They say you've got to spend money to make money. Well, I don't know where we went wrong. We spent all of our money.

Andy: Hey, Ron. Good to see you. Weren't you a pirate last year?
Ron Swanson: Yes. This is my Halloween costume. Andrew, are you aware that your bathroom faucet is leaking?
Andy: Are you kidding me? I just stuffed a sock in it yesterday. What else do they want me to do?
Ron Swanson: There's an exposed wire above the bathtub as well.
Andy: Oh, yeah, shockwire! I call it that 'cause if you take a shower and you touch the wire... You die!
Ron Swanson: Yes, that is accurate. Do you have a toolbox?
Andy: Yeah.
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: No home is complete without a proper toolbox. Here's April and Andy's. A hammer. Half of a pretzel. Baseball card. Some cartridge that says "Sonic" and "Hedgehog." A scissor half. And a flashlight... Filled with jellybeans.

Leslie Knope: Although I've not worked with you professionally, as a private citizen, I have personally patronized each and every one of your establishments.
Tania: Mm, I've never seen you buy a salad at Sue's Salads.
Leslie Knope: That's 'cause I don't hate myself, Tanya. I'm sorry. I know I should be chasing your vote, but I stand behind my decision to avoid salad and other disgusting things. And I think I have a lot of support in the community for that.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: Despite the fact that this seems like a party for Tom's face, uh, I think it's going pretty well. When in doubt, in Pawnee, slam salad.