Tom: [sings] I'm tryin' to find the words to describe this girl Without bein' disrespectful
[aside to camera:]
Tom: Getting the book into Joan's book club will really help Leslie. But it'll also help my company, Entertainment 7Twenty. At the risk of bragging, one of the things I'm best at is riding coattails. Behind every successful man, is me, smiling and taking partial credit.

Tom: You gotta help me, man.
Ben: Why? Seems to be going the usual amount of gross.
Tom: No, this is way different. She's not married anymore. She had, like, five bottles of alcohol, she's callin' me "caramel." You've gotta throw some cold water on this situation. Start talkin' about nerd stuff.
Ben: You know, nerd culture is mainstream now. So when you use the word "nerd" derogatorily, means you're the one that's out of the zeitgeist.

[aside to camera:]
Ann: Well, I've made a little progress. I'm up to four seconds with April.
[back:]
Ann: Hey, April. I was looking to get some new music, and I was wondering if you could recommend anything.
April: The Internet.
[later:]
Ann: I really like your haircut. W-w-where'd you get it?
April: Prison.
[later:]
Ann: How's your sister doin'?
April: She has the shingles.
[later:]
Ann: Who's your favorite character on Sex and the City?
April: Alf.