Leslie Knope: We'd like to encourage everyone to buy our merchandise. All the proceeds will go towards Li'I Sebastian's favorite charity, the Afghan Institute of Learning. Next, we have a special musical tribute by Mr. Andy Dwyer.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: What's 5,000 times better than a candle in the wind?
[back:]
Andy: This song is called 5,000 Candles in the Wind. [plays guitar and sings] Up in horsey heaven Here's the thing You trade your legs for angel's wings And once we've all said goodbye You take a running leap and you learn to fly Bye-bye, Li'I Sebastian I miss you in the saddest fashion Bye-bye, Li'I Sebastian You're 5,000 candles in the wind [crowd applauds]

Ron Swanson: [aside to camera] When I walked in this morning and saw the flag was at half-mast, I thought, "All right. Another bureaucrat ate it." But then I found out it was Li'I Sebastian. Half-mast is too high. Show some damned respect.

Tammy Two: Two of my lovers in one place. What a coincidence.
Ron Swanson: Tammy.
Tammy Two: Hello, Ron. Ooh, what happened here? And more importantly, does the carpet match the face?
Ron Swanson: If you're looking for trouble, take it somewhere else. An hour ago, a giant fireball consumed my entire face. And it was far preferable to spending another second with you.
Tammy Two: Tell that to your pants-tent.
Ron Swanson: It's just the way I'm standing. Go back to the library, where you belong.