Andy: Margaret's pecan squares. They are like crack. I brought you one.
Tom: How are you so happy working here?
Andy: I don't know, man. It's not that bad. A year ago I lived in a pit. Now I got a job, and a kickass wife, and my band is so good, and are you gonna eat that pecan square? When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I read that once on a can of lemonade, but I like to think that it applies to life.

Chris: [to Jerry] You are an intelligent, charismatic, beautiful superhero. I'm making you head of Public Relations, which means you'll be leading the daily briefing sessions.
Ron Swanson: Excellent idea.
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: This is my favorite part about having a new city manager. They always try to shake things up, and their ideas are terrible, and it brings City Hall to a grinding halt. I just grab a few donuts, sit back, and enjoy the show.

Ron Swanson: I got a second box of donuts, if anybody... What the [bleep] is this?
Chris: This, Mr. Director, is your new desk.
Ron Swanson: Okay...
Chris: This desk is the epitome of the Swedish concept of Jamstalldhet, or "equality." Imagine someone needs your attention. Somebody say my name.
Jerry: Chris.
Chris: Swivel! What is it, Jerry?
Jerry: You told me to say your name.
Chris: And you did a great job, superstar. Someone else say something.
April: You look like a freak.
Chris: Swivel! April, that is not a very good attitude. I will keep my eye on you from my circular desk where I can see everything. Tiny swivel. See how it works?