Ben: You know what? I'm gonna go with the first place. I really loved that appetizer.
Chris: Oh, the mini-calzone?
Ben: I wouldn't call it that. It was more like a savory pastry. Delicate little dough pocket filled with tomato sauce, cheese, and seasoned meat. Just a stunning culinary innovation.
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: It was a calzone.
Chris: It was literally just a small calzone.

Chris: So, Ben... Why Calzone?
Ben: Glad you asked, Chris. You know, there's fast food hamburgers. There's fast food Mexican. There's fast food Chinese. Blah blah blah. Have you ever wondered why there isn't a fast food option for Italian food?
Chris: What about pizza?
Ben: Pizza? Never heard of it. That's what people will be saying in 20 years, because pizza is old news, Chris. Pizza is your grandfather's calzone.
Chris: Never thought of it that way.
Ben: What I'm talking about is a portable, delicious meal, that is its own container. It's a whole new spin on Italian fast casual dining.
Chris: Amazing.
Ben: And you of all people will like this. I'm gonna use low-fat ingredients.
Chris: Game-changer.
Ben: And I will call my new Italian fast casual eatery "The Low-cal Calzone Zone."
Chris: That idea is literally the greatest idea I've ever heard in my life.
[aside to camera:]
Chris: That idea is terrible.

Chris: I would like a local beer. I'd like it in a bottle. I'd like the bottle to be cold.
Ann: I would like a glass of white wine. I would like it to be chardonnay. And I would like that with one ice cube. Thanks.

Ron Swanson: [on video] Hello, Ron. It's Ron. If you're watching this, it means that once again you have danced with the devil. Right now, you're probably thinking Tammy's changed. We'll be happy together. But you're only thinking that because she's a monstrous parasite who entered through your privates and lodged herself in your brain. So you have two choices... One, get rid of Tammy, or two, lobotomy and castration. Choose wisely. You stupid [bleep].
Ron Swanson: This is a waste of time. You people have no idea what you're talking about.
Leslie Knope: That was you on the tape. That was you talking.

Wendy: They're getting really old and I'm an only child. I just feel like the right thing to do is to move back home.
Ron Swanson: I'm sorry to see you go. I've really come to think of you as... A companion.
Wendy: Hey, I don't suppose you'd want to move to Canada?
Ron Swanson: [chokes, spits, laughs] Canada. No, I don't suppose I would.