Tom Quote #177
Quote from Tom in The Master Plan
Tom: Hey, I need to settle my bill from last night. Tom Haverford.
Bartender: Okay. Wow. You had 47 drinks last night? Ten cosmos, eight Smirnoff Ices, and everything else starts with the word pomegranate. Aw. Was it your bachelorette party?
Tom: No, I invited a bunch of girls here last night, and they all put drinks on my tab. And then I went home alone. I'm not sure what happened.
Bartender: You invited a bunch of girls here, and then you tried to hit on all of them.
Tom: Fair enough.
Bartender: I mean, what were you expecting was gonna happen, a 43-way?
Tom: That would have been a little out of control.
Bartender: But awesome.
Tom: Yeah, the problem is I only have 15 penises, so... there would have been 28 girls that were really upset with me.
Parks and Recreation Quotes
‘The Master Plan’ Quotes
Quote from Chris
Chris: Leslie, Leslie. Welcome, welcome, welcome.
Leslie Knope: Wow. You have a lot of bottles there.
Chris: Oh, yeah. Would you like a vitamin? B-12? Evening primrose oil? Willow bark? Magnesium?
Leslie Knope: No, thank you.
Chris: You sure? Really good for hangovers.
Leslie Knope: Okay, I'll take one.
[aside to camera:]
Chris: I take care of my body above all else. Diet, exercise, supplements, and positive thinking. Scientists believe that the first human being who will live 150 years has already been born. I believe I am that human being.
Quote from Ben
Leslie Knope: I'm sorry that I yelled at you. All three times. But I don't think you know anything about my department. Have you ever been part of a government body before?
Ben: I have, yeah. Small town called Partridge, Minnesota.
Leslie Knope: Why does that sound familiar? You're Benji Wyatt?
Ben: I am.
[aside to camera:]
Ben: When I was 18, I ran for mayor of my small town. And won. A little bit of anti-establishment voter rebellion, I guess. Here's the thing, though, about 18 year-olds. They're idiots. So I pretty much ran the place into the ground after two months and got impeached. The worst part was, my parents grounded me.
Quote from Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: [aside to camera] Once a year, every branch of this government meets in a room and announces, what they intend to waste taxpayer money on. For a libertarian such as myself, it's philosophically horrifying. They also really cheap out on the snacks. Hydrax cookies? Did you know there was an off-brand hydrox? I did not. They're not bad.