Andy: Good morning, colleagues, co-workers, friends. Everyone feeling normal... today?
[aside to camera:]
Andy: Here's what happened. I left my sweat shirt at Ron's cabin. When I went back to get it, I found this in the trash: Positive pregnancy test. Side note: I accidentally threw my sweat shirt away. That's why I was digging through the trash. Found that too. Pretty cool. So if my science is correct, one of the five women who were at the cabin - Leslie, Donna, Ann, Mona-Lisa, or April - is pregnant! Can't be April. She would've told me. That leaves four suspects. There's only one man for this job: Burt Macklin, FBI. They said I was retired. They said I was too dangerous for the Pawnee Police Department. Turns out they were right... and wrong. Macklin, you son of a bitch.

Leslie Knope: Okay, Ben, Tom, you stay here, stay on Joan. Get that sticker. Chris, Andy, we're gonna stay on schedule, and we're gonna do some damage control.
Andy: All right. Everybody move! Move, move, move! This entire event is under federal jurisdiction.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: Unless he's in trouble, there's only one man for the job. Burt Macklin, FBI. You thought I was dead? [chuckles] So did the president's enemies.

Wendy: Hey. Ron.
Ron Swanson: Hello, Wendy. Well, you and Tom really turned the party around.
Wendy: Well, we have a good time together. Tom told me that you know about our green card marriage. And I just want to say thank you for not telling anyone.
Ron Swanson: No worries. I'd hate for you to have to go back to Canada. All that socialized medicine up there.

Ann: Hey, guys.
April: Hey. Remember my boyfriend Derek, and his boyfriend Ben?
Ann: Yeah, hi. It's totally okay that you didn't wear a costume.
Derek: I did. I'm a straight person.
Mark: [enters] Hey, sorry I'm late.
Derek: See?
Ann: Sorry it's a little bit lame right now. But we'll get it going.
[aside to camera:]
April: I passed up a gay Halloween party to be here. Do you know how much fun gay Halloween parties are? Last year, I saw three Jonas Brothers make out with three Robert Pattinsons. It was amazing.

Ann: [aside to camera] Halloween is my favorite holiday, it's just the best. And I don't have to work. Hey, slutty teenage girls dressed as sexy kittens, pump your own stomachs this year.