Ron Swanson Quote #15
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: I refuse to lather Marlene up, kiss her ring like everybody else. Instead I'll be delivering a speech of facts.
Ron Swanson: Marlene is a woman. She has worked in the government for three decades. Thirty years. Properly applied, that's how long a good varnish should last. So, Marlene, it is true that you have won this award.
Quote from Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: [aside to camera] I enjoy government functions like I enjoy getting kicked in the nuggets with a steel-toe boot. But this hotel always serves bacon-wrapped shrimp. That's my number one favorite food wrapped around my number three favorite food. I'd go to a banquet in honor of those Somali pirates if they served bacon-wrapped shrimp. Excuse me.
Quote from Leslie Knope
Leslie Knope: This is very exciting. This is a big night. We are gonna meet some powerful people tonight, so take this down.
Leslie Knope: Good evening. Marlene Griggs-Knope is my mother.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: How important are speeches? I don't know, ask the Gettysburg Address. Oh, it didn't answer your call? Maybe because it was in the Smithsonian.
Quote from Gin It Up!
Ron Swanson: That's your will? You need that many pages to say, "Give my stuff to my wife"?
Ben: It's a complicated legal document.
Ron Swanson: It doesn't have to be. I've had the same will since I was eight years old.
Ben: "Upon my death, all of my belongings shall transfer to the man or animal who has killed me." What are these weird symbols?
Ron Swanson: The man who kills me will know.
Quote from Ms. Knope Goes to Washington
Ranger Patrick: Hey, Ron. You're not going to slaughter that pig here, are you?
Ron Swanson: Not to worry. I have a permit.
Ranger Patrick: This just says, "I can do what I want."
Ron Swanson: I am the director of the Parks Department, and this is a park.
Ranger Patrick: It's not a Parks thing. It's against, like, three laws and a dozen health codes.
Ron Swanson: Fine. Barbecue is postponed until I can go pick up some meat from the Food 'n' Stuff. Let's go, Tom. No, pig Tom. [Donna laughs]