Leslie Knope: Oh, Mr. Larsen. Thank you so much for meeting me here.
Grant Larsen: Happy to. I was in the area. The chance for me to return your binder full of questions about the job. I think I answered all of them.
Leslie Knope: Thank you. I cannot wait to check this out. Now, the reason why I asked you to meet me here--
Grant Larsen: More questions about the job.
Leslie Knope: Oh, yeah. [pulls out even bigger binder] Martha? I'm gonna need two hours worth of waffles.

Leslie Knope: Okay, my fortieth and eighteenth from last question is about the Heartland Exotic Plant Management Project. Now, were would I be actually doing the physical planting? Because it is always been a dream of mine to plant spotted jewelweed along the red river bank in Arkansas, but I'm sure you hear that a lot.
Grant Larsen: Well, you wouldn't actually be planting things. I mean, you're overseeing 200 people. The everyday minutia you would delegate to staff. Leslie, your job is more creative, big picture stuff. No more boring people working for you.
Leslie Knope: Good! I hate paperwork. I hardly ever do it in my bed on a Saturday night while listening to old Spice Girls CDs.

Tom: Before we go, I got you guys a little something for helping me out.
Donna: Oh! Love it!
April: A Larry voodoo doll? Tom, that's so sweet. Thanks.
Jerry: [hits head] Ow! Oh, my gosh!
April: I didn't even do anything. The voodoo doll is reading my thoughts.

Tom: This is great. I love it! Look at it, I can picture it now. That's where the politicians will sit, this is where the connected guys will bring their goomahs. This place is perfect.

Leslie Knope: This press junket is a brilliant idea, isn't it? Mr. Strange Cameraman Who I Never Met.
Ben: Leslie, I told you, I'm not gonna participate in your weird Julia Roberts, cameraman husband fantasy.
Leslie Knope: Quiet, cameraman, Perd's here.

Perd Hapley: Leslie, your poll is designed to choose a new slogan. And a slogan is a series of words that have a meaning.
Leslie Knope: [laughs] So true, Perd. All of the choices for the town slogan are wonderful, but if I had to choose my favorite it would probably be "Storied past, bright future."
Perd Hapley: Well, the story of my interest level is: It's medium.

Ron Swanson: Can I help you?
Andy: Maybe. I was out at the jazz club last night scouting bands for the unity concert. And I saw something very interesting.
Ron Swanson: [closes door with remote] I am Duke Silver.
Andy: You have a twin brother.
Both: What?
Ron Swanson: I have a twin brother.
Andy: You are Duke Silver?
Ron Swanson: Yes, I am Duke Silver. [Andy laughs] The only other people who know are Tom and April. So, please, keep it to yourself.
Andy: Are you kidding me? You are really good! You are, like, the saxophone player for the California-raisins-good. No joke. You know what? I'm booking you... for the unity concert.
Ron Swanson: Absolutely not. My musical career is private. If my secret got out, this office would be waist-deep in women's undergarments.
Andy: No, I'm in charge of booking the bands for the concert, and I say, you're in. You're gonna play right after Bobby Knight Ranger. It's a night ranger cover band where they only wear read sweaters. It's gonna be epic!

Donna: This is the last listing I have that isn't an active crime scene.
Tom: Hey, man, what happened? I thought Jurassic Fork was super popular.
Tim Jemmersting: We stretched ourselves too thin by expanding to a second location.
April: You opened another dinosaur-themed restaurant?
Tim Jemmersting: No, another Steven Spielberg-themed restaurant. The German place downtown, Schindler's Lunch.
Tom: I think you may have misunderstood what people liked about Jurassic Fork. I actually think the space is pretty cool. Obviously, we'd had to move this T-Rex, but--
Tim Jemmersting: No can do. That's a load-bearing T-Rex.

Ben: Well, I.T. is fixing the website, but it will be down for about three days.
Leslie Knope: Well, no worries, I will handle all of the overflow work personally. Parking tickets, code violations... send them all to me.
Ben: What's going on?
Leslie Knope: [sighs] I don't know. I spoke to grant about the national parks job, and he mentioned that's mostly big picture planning and delegating, and not very much nitty-gritty, hands-on stuff that I love to do. I would miss that, very much. I mean, have I really pulled my last bloated raccoon carcass from a public fountain?

April: Are you okay?
Tom: Yeah. I just got excited about the restaurant but I should probably call my investor and tell him we have a problem.
April: Well, I got you something to cheer you up. Watch cologne.
Tom: Cologne for watches. Thanks. Things used to make me so happy. But I've grown a lot in the last year. Now I just want one big thing, my own restaurant, named after me, that makes me so much money I can buy anything I want. I should go.