Man: Yeah, a park, huh? That sounds like a really good idea.
Mark: Great. Would you be willing to come to a town meeting and show your support?
Man: Absolutely. Now, is this park gonna have a playground or, you know, maybe a pool for the kids?
Mark: Oh, how old are your kids?
Man: No kids.
Tom: Uh-oh.
April: I'm gonna put him down as a yes.
Mark: Don't do that.
Man: Also, is the park gonna be at least 1,000 feet from my house? Because, you know, I really can't move again.
Mark: April, please stand behind me. That's it. That's all. That's all we've got.
Man: No flier?
Mark: Nope.

Leslie Knope: Hello, Mark. May I come into your office? I need to speak with you about something very sensitive. Something's come to my attention that requires your attention. It has come to my attention that you had sex with Ms. Malwae-Tweep.
Mark: That's personal.
Leslie Knope: It's unethical and it's irresponsible for a public servant to have sex with a member of the press corps. Especially when you have sex with someone who is so skanky. I mean, have sex with her and...
Mark: I'm gonna say something. I don't want you to take it the wrong way. But you're being a huge dork.
Leslie Knope: Well, I can't allow that kind of behavior from someone serving on my subcommittee.
Mark: Well, then I resign from your subcommittee.

April: This is Derek.
Mark: Cool. How long have you guys been dating?
April: We're just friends. He's like the gayest person I've ever met. But I make out with him when I'm drunk sometimes.
Mark: You know, if you don't wanna talk to me, you can just say so.
April: I don't wanna talk to you.
[aside to camera:]
Mark: Apparently, tonight, I'm the Parks Department's seventh wheel.

Mark: Okay. Since you brought it up, I'm just gonna say it. I don't get you and... I mean, it doesn't make any sense to me. I mean, I like Andy a lot. But there's tons of guys out there who have jobs and who respect you and think you're attractive.
Ann: Really?
Mark: Oh, yeah.
Ann: You mean guys like you for instance?
Mark: No! [laughing] No, no, no, no, no, not me.
Ann: Oh. Okay. Good, 'cause, for a second there, I thought you were hitting on me in front of my boyfriend.
Mark: No! Not my style. Even though you did just call him a big, lying baby. And I do find you attractive.

Leslie Knope: If you could put anything in the park, what would you put in there?
Mark: Okay...
Leslie Knope: Don't over-think it.
Mark: Keep it simple, nice shady trees, lots of grass, benches.
Leslie Knope: Picnic table?
Mark: Sure. Water feature. Like, huge rocks to be climbing on. A play area for the kids.
Leslie Knope: God, that sounds wonderful. I would live in that park.
Mark: But then you'd be homeless.

Mark: Hey.
Ann: Hey. Weird question for you. Are you handy? Like, can you fix things?
Mark: Well, what's broken?
Ann: My shower. It's leaky, low pressure, just all around terrible.
Mark: Easy. You want me to come over after work?
Ann: Yes. Yes. Amazing. I will cook you a cheap, quick dinner that will be no trouble at all for me.
Mark: Great. Well, I'll see you tonight, for the weirdest second date ever.
Ann: Okay.

April: How's it going in here?
Mark: Good. I hooked your toilet up to your shower. That's what you wanted, right?
April: Yes.
Mark: Excellent.

Mark: Would you break the rules?
Leslie Knope: I won't murder.
Mark: That's good to know. But it's actually very simple. If you wanna fill in the pit, just go fill it in. Don't ask for permission, ask for forgiveness.
Leslie Knope: Oh, I like that. Okay, wow. So who gives me the go-ahead to not ask for permission but ask for forgiveness? Is it Ron?
Mark: No, no, no. No. It's nobody. It's nobody, it's you. You have to be bold.
Leslie Knope: Okay.
Mark: Okay, look. You wanna get the pit filled in? Go rent a bulldozer and fill in the freaking pit.

Mark: Uh, it's city planning. It's mostly like regulating things and just making sure people obey the city code.
Diane: You wanna get out of here? Go back to my place?
Mark: What? No. I'm dating Ann.
Diane: Good. That was a test. You passed. Let's celebrate you passing the test, over a drink, at my place.
Mark: No. Still no.
Diane: You passed the second test. But we're still watching you. [exits]
Paula: So, you wanna get out of here, go back to my place?

Leslie Knope: Look, Mark. Please. You're the only one of us who's actually got any talent. I know you'll do something good. And I really, really want to win this. Please? What are you going to do tonight?
Mark: I was going to go to Arby's and watch Frontline.