‘Live Ammo’
Season 4, Episode 19 - Aired April 19, 2012
After Leslie pleads with a politician, Councilman Pillner (guest star Bradley Whitford), not to cut the Parks budget, the knock-on effects lead to bad publicity for her campaign. Meanwhile, Chris takes Ron to a yoga class, and April tries to rehouse pets from a shuttered animal shelter.
Quote from Leslie Knope
Ben: Okay, Leslie, there is nowhere else. This is a town budget, not a bottomless trust fund. Okay? Money doesn't just appear out of nowhere.
Leslie Knope: Shh. Stop talking.
Ben: What?
Leslie Knope: Shh.
Leslie Knope: I have half an idea and I'm putting it together.
Ben: Okay.
Leslie Knope: Hey!
Ann: Do you wanna...
Leslie Knope: Heh.
Ben: I'm...
Leslie Knope: No!
Ann: Do you?
Leslie Knope: Unh. Shh. Okay, now I have a complete idea. Ben, I'm going to commit political suicide.
Quote from Tom
April: Can you just leave me alone?
Tom: Why so glum, sugar plum?
April: Um, I don't know. Maybe because I worked so hard on that dumb pet adoption and I failed. That's why it's stupid to work hard.
Tom: Let me show you something. Because you worked hard, this little terribly-dressed girl has a puppy. And this little puppy has a home. If Leslie's taught me anything, it's that yes, 98% of the time, this job is frustrating and you hit brick walls. But the other 2%, it's stuff like this kid. And that puppy. What... what is that photo? That must come preloaded in there or something.
April: Oh, my God.
Tom: See you at work tomorrow?
April: Fine.
Tom: Bye, pups! Bye, little piggies!
Quote from Chris
Chris: I don't usually poison my body with dark alcohol, but this whiskey is... excellent!
Ron Swanson: Nectar of the gods.
Quote from Leslie Knope
Ben: In exchange, no more puppy killer ads for the rest of the campaign. That's all we ask.
Jennifer Barkley: Okay. Well, what's to stop me from just paying for the shelter and still running the ads?
Leslie Knope: Because I told Councilman Pillner that if you don't agree to our terms, he should cut the Parks budget.
Ben: And we'll leak that it was Leslie's decision and yours seem tough and fair, what with sacrificing her old apartment.
Jennifer Barkley: Okay, what's in it for you?
Leslie Knope: A safe home for the animals, a job for my friend, and a full Parks budget.
Jennifer Barkley: I wasn't born yesterday. You've gotta have an angle. This is a home run for us! We're gonna dominate the news cycle for a whole week.
Ben: Well, you can have this week. We'll take the next one.
Jennifer Barkley: Oh, yeah? What makes you so sure?
Leslie Knope: Because in a week, we have a debate. And your guy Bobby Newport is gonna have to show up, and he's gonna have to open his mouth. And I'm gonna kick his ass. [waitress arrives with bill] She'll take care of that. See ya next week!