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Live Ammo

‘Live Ammo’

Season 4, Episode 19 - Aired April 19, 2012

After Leslie pleads with a politician, Councilman Pillner (guest star Bradley Whitford), not to cut the Parks budget, the knock-on effects lead to bad publicity for her campaign. Meanwhile, Chris takes Ron to a yoga class, and April tries to rehouse pets from a shuttered animal shelter.

Quote from Ann

Leslie Knope: Is the coast clear?
Ann: What are you wearing?
Leslie Knope: My sneak-around clothes. Is he gone?
Ann: Yeah, he's gone. Come in. You gotta see this.
[aside to camera:]
Ann: Tom and I have been seeing each other for a few weeks, and... I think I'm ready to say, "I love you"... To his apartment.


Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Councilman Pillner, could I have a moment?
Councilman Pillner: Make it quick.
Leslie Knope: In his seminal 2009 documentary, filmmaker Ken Burns describes the national park system as a America's best idea.
Councilman Pillner: Way quicker.
Leslie Knope: Okay. Well, but you should watch that documentary. And I've heard that you're planning on reducing the parks funding by 8%. Councilman Pillner, that cannot happen.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: I've gotten to know the city councilmen pretty well because of my campaign. If you hear any of them talking about that "blonde pain in the ass," that's a-me.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Councilman Pillner: Leslie, that budget is all but finalized. I love building ships in bottles. When the ship is done, I put a cork in it, put it on the shelf, and I move on.
Leslie Knope: Hold that cork, sir... 'Cause I'm about to put an adorable face on your proposed cuts. Meet Melody Sternway. She's enrolled in five of our parks programs. Our department is the only thing between her and a life of tube tops and tribal tattoos and barfing in hot tubs. Please.
Councilman Pillner: Okay, you got me. I'll find the cuts somewhere else.

Quote from April

April: Good morning, everyone! I'm April Ludgate and I will be filling in for Leslie while she runs for office. So the new emergency protocol for the Parks department can be found in your binders.
Scott: What exactly is the chain of command vis-a-vis on-site response?
April: You know what, why don't we just say that whoever gets to the emergency first will be in charge?
Zelda: Okay, so if there's an explosion, say, in Ramset Park and someone from Sewage gets there first, they'd be in charge?
[aside to camera:]
April: I had no idea how terrible Leslie's job is. She referred to this meeting as a nonstop thrill ride.

Quote from April

April: I'm not quite sure, but Tom can answer that if... What are you doing?
Tom: Just bouncing some business ideas off Russell Simmons on Twitter. Why?
Scott: All due respect, miss Ludgate, do you even know what you're doing here?
April: All due respect, Mr. Hamster Penis, but no, I don't.
Scott: My last name is Guiles.
April: Are you sure? Because you look like a hamster penis.
Tom: What about a cologne that can kill spiders?

Quote from Perd Hapley

Jennifer Barkley: Apparently, Leslie Knope wielded her insider influence and got Councilman Pillner to save her precious department, even though it meant closing the shelter. Now I am not saying that Leslie Knope is a dog murderer, per se, I just think that her actions raise some questions. Like, for example, is she a dog murderer?
Perd Hapley: Well, I don't know the answer to that, Jennifer, but your tone makes me think... Yes.
Jennifer Barkley: Say your good-byes, Pebble... 'Cause "Weswie" Knope gonna kill you.
Ben: Uh, she got the perfect puppy for that shot. She is good.

Quote from Chris

Chris: This is the best meditation center in the area.
Ron Swanson: It doesn't look like much.
Chris: Actually, this strip mall has surprisingly decent chi. Although, the smells from the Greek restaurant next door are not ideal. But through this door lies a deep, serene quietude.
Man: [yelling in Greek] Excuse me, ladies. On your right.

Quote from April

April: Hey, what if I threw together a pet adoption in one of our parks... would that be cool?
Leslie Knope: April, that would be the coolest thing since 'N Sync, Aerosmith, and Nelly performed together at the Super Bowl halftime show.
April: Ew.
[aside to camera:]
April: I think I may have found a project I'd actually enjoy doing... helping these cats and dogs. They should be rewarded for not being people. I hate people.

Quote from Andy

April: Hi. You like this little guy?
Girl: He's so cute.
April: I know. All the animal are up-to-date on their shots. And I think he likes you.
Andy: He's pretty awesome. Did you know his great-grandfather was Spuds Mackenzie?

Quote from Leslie Knope

Ben: Realistically, I'm guessing we dropped three to five points in the polls. This late in the game, it's killer. And that's a dog biscuit.
Leslie Knope: Andy put them on the table 'cause he wanted to try to have the dogs play poker.

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