Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] Opening this farmers market was one of my greatest achievements as city councilor. It's good for the economy, it's good for families, and it's good for promoting a healthy lifestyle, which Pawnee desperately needs.
Woman: [holding broccoli] Look at this tiny tree. Can you eat this?
Man: [holding cauliflower] Aww. This one's dead.

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] So, I transferred the penguins to a zoo in lowa. Gay marriage is legal there, so hopefully, they'll be happy. At least they'll be together. [mists the penguins in the back seat] Oh, look! Six Flags! I should take them on a water slide. They might die. But it would be so cute!

Leonard Tchulm: And now, I'm going to open one of these ten envelopes at random to determine your simulated disaster. [envelope opening] Pawnee has been hit by, a strain of avian flu.
Leslie Knope: Yes! Avian flu! Jackpot. This is a simple one, guys. Everybody open their binders, okay?
Councilman Jamm: "The Knope Protocol"?
Ann: Uh, correction. That's "Mission Im-Pawnee-able: Knope Protocol."

Leslie Knope: There is another way. We'll just wait a few minutes, turn on this monitor, and then we'll tell Ben that we talked it out and made up. I'll just tell them that I apologized for... whatever, heroically caring too much, and you admitted that you're a stubborn butthead, and everything's fine now.
Ron Swanson: Why do I have to be stubborn? Why can't the problem have been that I was reasonable and you were at fault?
Leslie Knope: Because we want them to believe us and not laugh really hard at a ridiculous science fiction scenario.

Ian: Just under the wire.
Leslie Knope: Oh, Ian, thank you so much. It's great. Now throw it out. I need a new one, and I need it in 20 minutes.
Ian: Ugh.
Leslie Knope: Look, if you didn't want to be on call 24-7 for emergencies, then you should not have gone into the high-stakes world of banner making!

Leslie Knope: Okay, this pit. Give it to me straight. Are we ever gonna turn it into a park?
Mark: Leslie, this is already a park! Look, I mean, you got a dirt slide over here, you got ring around the diaper you could play there. [Leslie laughs] You've got duck, duck, glass you could play right there. Mystery trash. What's not to love about this park, right here, now? I wish we could turn it into a pit, frankly, don't you? But, seriously, I mean, really? Honestly, Leslie, it's gonna be a long, uphill battle. You are gonna be super annoyed with all the people that want you to fail. There is a sea of red tape, endless roadblocks. So, yeah, I don't know. I don't know.
Leslie Knope: Screw it. I'm gonna try to do it anyway. [both laugh] I mean, Kennedy put a man on the moon.
Mark: He did.
Leslie Knope: I can build one park.
Mark: I really admire your tenacity.
Leslie Knope: I really admire you. [they kiss]

Leslie Knope: I swear to God, it actually... It was there...
Dave Sanderson: These are carrots.
Leslie Knope: Duh! You don't think I know the difference between carrots and marijuana?
Dave Sanderson: Is that the house there, where your best friend lives? Where she saw the van from?
Leslie Knope: Yeah.
Dave Sanderson: Okay. I get it.
Leslie Knope: What?
Dave Sanderson: Well, you wanted to check up on your friend and that guy, your ex, so you made up a story about weed so you could stake out their date.
Leslie Knope: No, I did not. There actually was weed here...
Dave Sanderson: It's okay. I think it's kind of cute.
[aside to camera:]
Dave Sanderson: I like Miss Knope. I liked her. I got to say, I... When I first met her I didn't care much for her, because like 99% of the people in any given day of my life, she was very belligerent and disagreeable. Miss Knope was attractive to me. As a man, I was attracted to her in her demeanor. I was attracted to her in a sexual manner that was appropriate. Can we not... I don't want to talk about this anymore.

Leslie Knope: Hello, most excellent representatives of the great Parks Department of Boraqua, Venezuela. I am Deputy Director of Parks and Recreation, and Chairwoman of the Departmental Ad-Hoc Sub-Committee for Pit Beautification, Leslie Knope.
Raul: It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Vice-Director Ejecutivo del Diputado del Departamento de Parques, Raul Alejandro Bastilla Pedro de Veloso de Maldonado.
Tom: I'm Tom.
Raul: These are my colleagues, Antonio Rivera-Fonseca, Minister of Small Fountains. And Elvis Correja, Administrator of Hedges.
Leslie Knope: And he is?
Raul: Pay no attention to him. He's our intern, Jhonny. He is worthless. We are quite tired from our trip. Could you have your servant collect our bags, please?
Tom: What'd he call me?
Leslie Knope: Tom, please. It's a different culture, okay? Just be a good host. Do this for me?
Tom: Fine.
Leslie Knope: Yes. We will get our pathetic servant boy to fetch your luggage. Go, boy!

Leslie Knope: Oh, I can't believe our little girl is all grown up. Damn the wheel of the world. Why must it continually turn over.
Ron Swanson: Jack London.
Leslie Knope: Yeah.
Ron Swanson: Nice.

Ann: [on the phone] He's actually a really nice guy.
Leslie Knope: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so have you asked him yet about the money?
Ann: Well, it's a date, you know? It's kind of hard to casually bring up the Parks budget when you're talking about your favorite movies.
Leslie Knope: Jurassic Park, parks are so great, the Parks Department needs money. I just did it in three moves.
Ann: Well, then, why don't you just come here and do it yourself?
Leslie Knope: [appears next to Ann] Okay.
Ann: Holy crap.