Andy: Better get used to this, honey. Gonna be a lot of late nights for me here. Graveyard shift. You coming to bring me coffee while I interrogate murderers.
April: [hard-boiled] You've had all night to get something out of him, Dwyer, we gotta let him go.
Andy: Come on, Captain. I'm this close to getting a confession.
April: You're never gonna break him, Dwyer. He's a psychopath. He chopped off both of his arms, so he wouldn't leave any fingerprints.
Andy: Oh, he did? Well, how did he murder the person?
April: I don't know.
Andy: Hey, Chief Fugleberg. It's me, Andy Dwyer, pre-reporting for duty. Listen, about my new partner. Is it a dog?

Ann: Hey, Ron, we posted bail. You're free to go.
Councilman Jamm: Wait a minute, what? He punched me in the teeth. This is an outrage.
Officer Skorggel: I think we have a pretty clear picture of what went down. Sleep it off in the cell, Councilman.
Ann: Leslie, I'm so sorry. I think we missed it. The gala's over, they're taking it all down.
Leslie Knope: Yeah, it's okay. I mean, I guess it just wasn't meant to be, after all. We'll get married in May like we planned.
Ann: You know what? I have some champagne, back at the office. Let's go back there, have a drink, toast to Pawnee Commons.
Leslie Knope: Fun. That's a good idea. It'll be good, 'cause I actually have some work I need to get started on.

Tom: Jerry, everything I wrote is wrong. There's, like, 20 minutes of Hitch quotes before I even say Leslie's name. What do I do?
Jerry: You know what, Tom? Just speak from the heart, okay? You'll do great.