Ron Swanson: I'm sorry, Leslie.
Leslie Knope: For what?
Ron Swanson: I've never presented a bride on her wedding day, so I'm not 100% sure of the duties involved, but I don't think you're supposed to punch a man in the mouth during the service.
Leslie Knope: I think that's exactly what you're supposed to do, if that mouth is attached to a drunk jerk-face.

Ron Swanson: Lagavulin all around? Don't bother answering. I am already pouring. You don't have to drink yours.
Ben: Thank you.

Leslie Knope: But we reserved a space for May 16th. And we just ordered 200 white-chocolate top hats.
Ben: We did?
Leslie Knope: You did, actually. It's under your name.
Ben: Leslie, we can get married May 16th, or June 1st, or July 57th. But doesn't it feel right, today?
Leslie Knope: Yeah, it does. Every time you say it, it just feels more right. Oh, my God, we're getting married tonight. This is really great.
Ben: Yeah.
Leslie Knope: You're either in or your out, buddy.
Ben: It was my idea, I'm totally in. [laughs]
Leslie Knope: Wait, no. We can't-- This is our wedding day. This is very bad luck, turn around. We can't look at each other!
Ben: Well, you are aware that we've seen each other several times today.

Ben: The falcon is entering!
Leslie Knope: The turtledove acknowledges! Hey, where are you?
Ben: I'm-I'm here.
Leslie Knope: Okay, let's go over the duties right now. Ann, you're in charge of the dress and the hair and the makeup. And I was thinking, like, the sensuality of Eleanor Roosevelt combined with the animal magnetism of Lesley Stahl.
Ann: Piece of cake. Oh, we have to get the wedding cake. I'll do that too.
[aside to camera:]
Ann: I'm perfectly calm. I feel like every crazy thing Leslie's ever had me do has been, like a drill, and today is the real thing. I'm ready, because I had the greatest teacher in the world. Leslie. Who is crazy.

Leslie Knope: Ron, I'm gonna need you to walk me down the aisle.
Ron Swanson: It would be an honor, and the first time I won't regret walking down the aisle.

Tom: Oh, what the hell!
Jerry: What's wrong?
Tom: "Your Minister Certification will be emailed to you in 24 hours." Uhh! But this is America. I want it now!
Jerry: Sorry, Tom, that's what happens.
Tom: I had all these great bits written for the wedding too. I was gonna beatbox. There's a dance breakdown. I'm talking, like, six guaranteed applause breaks.

Jerry: Uh, you know, I am actually ordained. I could do the wedding.
Tom: That's the worst idea I've ever heard.
Jerry: Yeah, you're right, okay.
Tom: Wait! What if you do the ceremony, but you don't have any stupid ideas of your own, and you just say the stuff that I came up with?
Jerry: Anything to help Leslie.
Tom: Perfect. Now shut up and start memorizing. We open with Will Smith's monologue from the modern cinematic classic... Hitch.

Leslie Knope: Did you find the rings?
Ben: No rings, just a tennis bracelet and a necklace that says "Wine Chick."
Leslie Knope: No rings, no license, no dress. This idea felt so right, but maybe it's just too crazy. Maybe it wasn't meant to be.
Ben: Hey, it's snowing.
Leslie Knope: [gasps] It's him.
Ben: What? Who? I can't see.
Leslie Knope: I don't understand, this is impossible.
Ben: Wh-- Whoa. Li'l Sebastian?
Kurt Lerpiss: No, no, sorry. Actually, this is Bucky. He's a, uh, licensed Li'l Sebastian impersonator. We're headed to the gala, so folks can pose for pictures with him. 200 a pop, if you're interested.
Leslie Knope: Quiet, you. This is Li'l Sebastian, and this is a sign. We're gonna do this. We are gonna pull this wedding off.
Kurt Lerpiss: Come on, Bucky.
Leslie Knope: Li'l Sebastian.
Kurt Lerpiss: Yes, ma'am.

Leslie Knope: Oh my God, we're running out of time. Ann, please, tell me that you have sewn a new dress from scratch. Or several dresses, 'cause I would love some options.
Ann: I have an idea, and it might be insane, but I've been watching a lot Project Runway recently... In the past eight years.
Leslie Knope: Okay, great, so I trust you, and make it work. No time to do the Tim Gunn voice. Wait, what am I talking about? There's always time. [imitating Tim Gunn] Designers, make it work. [normal voice] Ann, you have less than an hour.

Ben: I guess we could go to a pharmacy, but I really don't want to use like a cheap plastic ring.
Chris: I hate to say this, but Ann Perkins has terrible taste in rings. What- What is this? It's a toe ring with a brown gemstone? Is this a ruby that's gone bad?