Leslie Knope: I know I've been acting really weird lately, and, um, I really like you. What I'm about to say is gonna contradict the idea that I really like you, but that won't change--
Ben: So just open the box.
Leslie Knope: Please stop bringing out the box, okay?
Ben: Leslie.
Leslie Knope: You're being really nice, and what I'm about to say is gonna make you hate me.
Ben: Okay, then I'll just open the box for you.
[The box features a campaign badge for "Knope 2012"]
Leslie Knope: Wow. You knew?
Ben: I figured it out a while ago. I'm sorry. I should've told you I knew. But I just- I wanted this to last as long as possible. We have to break up.
Leslie Knope: Why? Why do we have to break up?
Ben: Well, Leslie, everything you've accomplished, you have earned and you have worked for. I don't want anyone to think that you got where you are today by sleeping with your boss.
Leslie Knope: But I really like sleeping with my boss.
Ben: Yeah...Yeah. Okay, look. I'm gonna make this real easy for you. Um, it's not you, it's me. I'm not ready for a commitment. I just don't like you anymore. I know it's hard to hear that, but... You're boring, and frankly you disgust me. Echh!
Leslie Knope: How did you figure it out?
Ben: Leslie, there was a dude in the ladies' yacht club.
Leslie Knope: Yeah, but I covered that pretty well.
Ben: Also, you've been making campaign speeches in your sleep. Granted, you always do that, but they got really specific and moving.
Leslie Knope: Did I have a good opening line?
Ben: It was simple, but I liked it.

Leslie Knope: Friends, honored guests, Pawneeans. I am Leslie Knope, and I am running for City Council.

Ben: Joe, I've determined that the lewd picture was sent by you because you sent it from your personal email address, [email protected]. Really? Sarah Lawrence?
Joe: Yeah. I wanted a small college experience.
Ben: You also bragged about it to many of your co-workers.
Joe: There's an old sewage department saying. "If you've got a nice drainpipe, there's no reason to hide it."
Ben: I doubt that's a saying. We are terminating you effective immediately.
Joe: Is this because you're jealous?
Chris: No. It's because you broke the law.
Joe: The law of having an amazing package.
Chris: Before we have him forcibly removed, you should know this, that one of our female employees, a nurse, examined the photo you sent her.
Joe: I bet she did.
Chris: And you have the mumps. You might wanna get that checked.
Joe: Sweet. Someone's got mumps on his lumps. Up high. Anyone?