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Gryzzlbox

‘Gryzzlbox’

Season 7, Episode 5 -  Aired January 27, 2015

Leslie and Ben try to highlight illegal data collection by Gryzzl as the company bids for the Newport land. Meanwhile, Craig asks April to talk to some interns at the Parks Department, and Tom acts as Andy's agent when the TV station claims the rights to Johnny Karate.

Quote from Craig

Craig: April, the new Parks interns start today, and I was wondering if you would deliver a little welcome speech.
April: No, go away.
Craig: Watermelon martinis, exposed brick, Keri Russell's hair.
April: Why did you just say those weird things?
Craig: On the advice of my therapist, Dr. Richard Nygard, whenever I feel like yelling, I just take a deep breath and say three great things about being alive.
April: Gross.

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Quote from Craig

Craig: Hmm. You should add "telling people what to do" to your "perfect job" description.
April: Good idea. You should up your therapy to seven times a week, stop dressing that way, and give me your wallet.
Craig: Victor Garber, James Garner, Jennifer Garner. I go alphabetical now.

Quote from April

April: What about you? Why are you here?
Jen: The only thing I love more than parks is recreation.
April: Really?
Jen: No, I just needed college credit.
April: What are you studying?
Jen: Nothing. College is stupid.
April: Then who made you do this.
Jen: My parents.
April: What are they like?
Jen: Well, my mom's the devil and my dad's a dumb doctor.
Mike: Oh, my dad's a doctor.
April: Shut up. Jen is it?
Jen: Yeah.
April: Let's take a walk, Jen. I feel like you have almost zero potential.
Jen: I think that's cool.

Quote from April

April: Look, dude, this internship leads nowhere. It'll just screw up the rest of your life. What do you love doing?
Jen: Texting.
April: What did you want to be when you were little?
Jen: A scary mermaid that lures sailors to their death.
April: Okay, side note, I'm gonna file papers to adopt you as my child, so keep an eye out for that. But more importantly, don't do this internship. Go do something fun like trying to control birds with your mind or posting internet comments as Michael Jackson's ghost.

Quote from Tom

Tom: This is perfect. I'll be your agent! I'll put all my energy into renegotiating your contract. I won't even think about Lucy and Conrad and his stupid crunches that he probably does. I should probably do some crunches. Let's go! Ow! Andy, my tum tum!

Quote from Leslie Knope

Ben: Leslie, open that box they sent you.
Leslie Knope: Ooh! Joe Biden's book, "Biden the Rails: 1001 Poems Inspired by My Travels Through Amtrak's Northeast Corridor."
Leslie Knope: A thousand? [gasps] A poster of the Supreme Court Justices sipping the Friends milkshake! This stuff is perfect for me.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Hello, everyone. We are here today to discuss Gryzzl, and whether or not they are invading our privacy.
Woman: They sent my husband three boxes of genital cream to his office. My husband's splotchy genitals are no one's business, except for his, mine, and his many genital doctors. [applause]
Pearl: They sent me a bunch of toy pigs dressed like movie stars. That's my private hobby. No one knows I collect toy pigs dressed like movie stars, except now all of you people.
Ben: Which one is that?
Pearl: This is actually Ham-uel L. Jackson from the movie, Pork Fiction, it's extremely rare, and I am keeping it. But still, they no right to give me something I will treasure the rest of my life.
Young Woman: I opened my box in front of all of my friends, and it was a bunch of Virginia Woolf novels. Now Miley and Haley know I like to read. What if they tell Evan?
Chance Frenlm: I like their phones, but they've gone too far sending this stuff to our houses. Gryzzl has no right to search our private data.
Leslie Knope: So wait, you guys are not against us on this?
Chance Frenlm: We're not against you on this. [chanting] We're not against you on this.
All: We're not against you on this.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] Finally, after months of searching for a way to defeat Gryzzl, we have found its Achilles' heel. The town is behind us, Donna is on our side, and the next domino to fall? Ron Swanson. Actually, this is Tom Sell-oink, but, you know, close enough.
Pearl: Actually, I'm gonna need that back.
Leslie Knope: Oh, yes, of course.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: February 2016, I think you're gonna really enjoy this month's photo album. It includes such hits as: "First Trip to the Dentist," "Sonia Tries Pizza," and "Waterpark Vomit Chain Reaction."
Ben: Why would you take pictures of that?
Leslie Knope: Why would you not?

Quote from Tom

Hank: Let's make this quick.
Tom: Andy's show gets huge ratings in three cities. His GryzzlTube page has millions of views. If you don't Andy walking over to your rival station in Snerling, I think you should start taking this seriously.
Hank: Right. Okay, here's what we're gonna do. I'm gonna upgrade the parking spot. But my son gets a role as one of the kid ninjas. All right? He's gonna love me for it. It's gonna drive my ex-wife crazy.
Tom: So far, so good, but, uh, in the words of Jerry Maguire...
Andy: "The human head weighs 8 pounds."
Tom: No. "Show me the money."

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