Chris: Hey, what's up, guys?
Jerry: Look what Ron made. It's amazing.
Ron Swanson: Several months ago, I was on a walk and found my crib tree. I approached the tree, murdered it, left it to cure in my woodshop, and have begun working it into a crib for my upcoming child.
Chris: Ron Swanson, you cannot use this crib. You're ignoring every known crib-safety standard. It's all covered in the parenting book I'm reading, "Are You Going To Crawl My Way?" By Lenny Kravitz.
Ron Swanson: My crib will be safe because I'm building it with my own two hands.
Chris: I bought my crib in Bloomington, and I am confident that it is literally the safest crib in the explored universe. Let me take you there, and you can talk to the salesperson.
Ron Swanson: Counteroffer: you take me nowhere, and I talk to no one.
Chris: Counter-counteroffer: you come with me, or I make you attend a four-hour fax cover-sheet protocol meeting. Either way, it's a win for me.